Thursday, December 20, 2007

Goodbye, 2007. Don't let the space-time continuum hit your ass on the way out.

It seems these days everyone's doing their look back at the top whatsits and whosits of 2007. Just to be contrary, I decided to jump ahead in my time machine and compile a brief list of things I'm most looking forward to in 2008:

The return of "Lost"
Seriously, I don't care if we only get eight episodes of "Lost" next year, previews like this one have been whetting my appetite like crazy for the return of everyone's favorite incomprehensible, maddening and jaw-dropping island adventure. I mean, we're going to have to get at least a few answers, right? Like why did Future Jack give up on personal grooming, despite having what I assume is better access to Gillette products? Is the hobbit really dead? Why is Jacob played by Norman Bates' mother -- and is he/she really a ghost? Who gets off the island? Who gets left behind to groom the polar bear? All I know is, January 31 can't come fast enough.

So many good movies, so many chances they could suck
Jaded as I am, I know at least 50 percent of the movies I'm jonesing to see in 2008 are probably going to blow, but I still can't help being excited. First off, we've got "Cloverfield" giving us explosions galore on January 18. The monsters look like Gamera and J.J. Abrams is attempting to fuck with my head -- two things that always make me happy. Then on April 4, we get a tasty helping of John Krasinski, George Clooney and old-time football in "Leatherheads," a perfect way to satisfy the pretty boy quota. The big boys come out to play with "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" on May 22 -- hello Grandpa Harrison, you'll always be hot to me...even if it's getting kind of creepy. Then on July 25, Mulder and Scully return to fill my retinas with joy in the X-Files sequel. And there's another six or seven goodies after that, including the new Harry Potter movie, another James Bond flick with that Daniel Craig fellow who actually looks like a bad-ass, even when he's sipping a cocktail. It should be a good movie-going year. I estimate gaining another 7,000 pounds in Sno-cap consumption alone.

Cinematic Titanic, I'm prepared to love you...
You should know this about me: as a young impressionable wanna-be writer, "Mystery Science Theater 3000" blew my mind on a continual and herniatingly funny basis. Joel Hodgson, Mary Jo Pehl, Trace Beaulieu, Frank Conniff and the rest of the gang are comedy heroes. I still think back on things like "Manos: The Hands of Fate" (aka "Hands: The Hands of Fate") with equal measures of wonderment and horror. So you can imagine my glee at the reunion of these fine folks with their new project Cinematic Titanic, described as a "new movie riffing system." Honestly, I'm kind of stupid so I'm not even 100 percent sure what that means, but I do know that I want it, it's coming soon and I'm ready to laugh. A lot. Seriously, I'm doing extensive ab work just to prepare.

The Ron Paul/Mike Gravel Cage Match
Moderated by Wolf Blitzer, the Closet Libertarian and the Alaskan Contrarian, slathered in bear grease, beat each other senseless. Okay, the odds are pretty long on this one happening, but a girl who's sick of politics can dream, can't she?


Anonymous said...

Great stuff Liz!

I laugh out loud frequently while enjoying this blog. And thanks for keeping us in the loop - however loopy it may be:-)

Oh, saw "Waitress" last night. Terrific, funny and moving picture. I remember your earlier post about it. Thanks again!


Liz said...

Thanks so much for reading, Spencer! The loop keeping is my pleasure. And I'm so glad you liked "Waitress."

camille eon said...

Oh, Hands the Hands of Fate. So hilarious. I just gotta say, I saw a stage production of that film in Portland, OR, like, maybe a year or two ago and it was rad. So weird. I too am looking forward to the cinematic titanic. Have you checked out any of the Rifftrax or Film Crew's with Mike Nelson? Pretty funny stuff.