"Cabin in the Woods" delayed for no good reason at all; or why I hate 3-D

Late last week, it was announced that the release of Joss Whedon's highly-anticipated horror flick, "Cabin in the Woods," would be delayed an entire year. Originally scheduled for February 5, 2010, the film now won't hit theaters until Jan. 14, 2011. Why? Because early response to the film has been so good, MGM has decided to make it even better by making it 3-D.

Sweet fancy Moses, this just makes me cranky. Not only because now I have to wait a whole damn year, but more importantly, because no movie has ever been made better for being rendered in 3-D. Sure, it's kind of a cool effect and when it works properly, it's mildly intriguing to go, "Oooh, it's like Harry Potter's pointing his wand right at me!" and then giggling for a few minutes because it sounds dirty but that's it. There is no other redeeming feature about 3-D at all.

If I want my entertainment in three-dimensions, I'll go to a little something called a theatre where there are actors on this other thing called a stage. (Sometimes, there's even what's known as a thrust stage where the stage extends into the audience and it's almost like the stage is coming right at me!!) Also, all of the people in the story have been rendered by God or Darwin or plastic surgeons into actual three-dimensional beings that move and talk. It's very realistic.

Now, just to avoid problems in the future, I'd like to ask the entertainment industry to please refrain from making or re-making the following films and/or TV shows in 3-D:

Citizen Kane
Any Fellini film, because who needs nightmares like that for the rest of their lives?
Jimmy Durante movies
Gerard Depardieu movies
Anything with sword fighting
Anything with cannons or large rockets, speaking of which:
Apollo 11
Boogie Nights

Oh, and Jaws...am I too late on that one?

In short, I don't want to have to wait a year to see "Cabin in the Woods" and I really hate 3-D.

What do you think? Are you a fan of that third dimension?

Monday Odds & Ends: Stargate Universe, Batman, Tron and Legos

+ Sci Fi Wire has a recap of the "Iron Man 2" panel at Comic-Con complete with a description of the new trailer the producers debuted there. Sounds like this movie is on track to live up to the original.

+ The official "Tron Legacy" trailer has been released as well, looking all sleek and futuristic.

+ Also at Comic-Con, Gary Oldman apparently spilled the beans that there will be another "Batman" movie in our collective futures...although the movie exec sitting next to him seemed to express surprise at his announcement. So basically, this all comes down to whether or not you trust Gary Oldman. (Of course you do -- he's Sirius Black!)

+ Posters for the upcoming Joss Whedon/Drew Goddard "comedy-thrilled-horror-romance" film "Cabin in the Woods" debuted over the weekend...and are just as snarky as one would expect.

+ IO9 has a preview of the upcoming "Stargate: Universe" series, which is set to debut on SyFy in October.

+ It's just trailer heaven here today! Here's an extended look at "The Waters of Mars" Doctor Who special coming up later this year. Looks pretty creepy.



+ And finally, "Top Gear" co-host and former Nerd Man of the Month James May plans on building an entire real-size house out of LEGO bricks. The site of his house? The Denbies Wine Estate in the appropriately named town of Dorking. (I love this.) If you live anywhere near there, May is looking for volunteers to help him on August 1 put together the more than 3 million pieces that were delivered to the site this past Friday. Just click here and look for the e-mail link.

Whitford and Whedon...together at last.

I never thought I'd write these joyous words yet here it is. Hopefully you'll be able to hear it above the clarion calls of angels and the bliss of the dulcet baby choir:

Yes, Bradley Whitford and Joss Whedon are doing a movie together.

I may have cried a little just then. It was announced today that "West Wing"'s Bradley Whitford and some dude named Richard Jenkins are signed on (or close to signing) to star in "The Cabin in the Woods," the upcoming horror flick penned by Whedon and "Cloverfield" writer and "Buffy" alumnus Drew Goddard, who also will direct. Says Goddard, "It's really just your basic typecasting: When you need two actors to run through the woods in low-cut nighties, you immediately think of Richard Jenkins and Bradley Whitford."

No one seems to know what the flick is really about except, well, there's a cabin in the woods and it's Joss Whedon so it's probably safe to assume there will be jokes, fearsome rabbits, perhaps a vampire with fruit-punch mouth and at least one completely unnecessary and gut-wrenching death.

I'll be tuned in, that's for sure. The movie is scheduled for release in February 2010.