Late last week, it was announced that the release of Joss Whedon's highly-anticipated horror flick, "Cabin in the Woods," would be delayed an entire year. Originally scheduled for February 5, 2010, the film now won't hit theaters until Jan. 14, 2011. Why? Because early response to the film has been so good, MGM has decided to make it even better by making it 3-D.
Sweet fancy Moses, this just makes me cranky. Not only because now I have to wait a whole damn year, but more importantly, because no movie has ever been made better for being rendered in 3-D. Sure, it's kind of a cool effect and when it works properly, it's mildly intriguing to go, "Oooh, it's like Harry Potter's pointing his wand right at me!" and then giggling for a few minutes because it sounds dirty but that's it. There is no other redeeming feature about 3-D at all.
If I want my entertainment in three-dimensions, I'll go to a little something called a theatre where there are actors on this other thing called a stage. (Sometimes, there's even what's known as a thrust stage where the stage extends into the audience and it's almost like the stage is coming right at me!!) Also, all of the people in the story have been rendered by God or Darwin or plastic surgeons into actual three-dimensional beings that move and talk. It's very realistic.
Now, just to avoid problems in the future, I'd like to ask the entertainment industry to please refrain from making or re-making the following films and/or TV shows in 3-D:
Any Fellini film, because who needs nightmares like that for the rest of their lives?
Jimmy Durante movies
Gerard Depardieu movies
Anything with sword fighting
Anything with cannons or large rockets, speaking of which:
Oh, and Jaws...am I too late on that one?
In short, I don't want to have to wait a year to see "Cabin in the Woods" and I really hate 3-D.
What do you think? Are you a fan of that third dimension?