Angel, Buffy or Firefly...which one's the best?

This guy on IO9 argues that "Dollhouse" is going to be Joss Whedon's greatest work ever. His case is pretty compelling -- except for the bit where he says that most of Whedon's premises are weak, a statement with which I disagree vehemently. Everything he says about "Dollhouse," though, actually makes me look forward to it even more.

It also made me wonder, though, what IS Whedon's best work? "Aliens 3," right? Hahahaha, just kidding. Okay, what's his best TV series? That, for me, is a really difficult call. There's so much to be said for all of three shows.

"Angel" is of course the forgotten cast-off series but boy oh boy was that a great show. First, Angel was a great character -- the vampire equivalent of Jane Eyre's Mr. Rochester. He was dark and brooding and guilt-ridden but he was also vain and inadvertantly hilarious. The episode where he could finally walk in sunlight and, more importantly, see himself in a mirror is brilliant, with this morbid dude frolicking in daylight and asking his friends if he always wears that much gel in his hair. And yet, the show could wring the emotions out of you too, whether it was Angel losing Buffy all over again or losing Cordelia or giving his son away to protect him. But best of all, he got turned into a puppet! "A wee little puppet man!" as Spike said. That in and of itself makes this resilient, creatively flexible show a masterpiece.

Which means it would be at the top of my list if it weren't for "Firefly." Thirteen episodes of pure perfection, a show that gave the world Nathan Fillion and a man named Jayne -- two things for which I will be forever grateful. "Firefly" always had the ideal mix of action, adventure, humor, hijinks, romance, familial love, marital love...and, as Joss always said, whores! (That was my favorite part of every pre-press interview Joss ever did for "Firefly." Every one of his descriptions ended with "and it has whores!" Wouldn't everything be funnier if it ended with "whores?" I say yes.) It's such a shame that Fox pulled the plug on "Firefly" so quickly because each episode was better than the last. This one would be at the top of my list, too, if it weren't for...

"Buffy," which, with all respect to the IO9 dude, is always going to be Whedon's greatest work. And here's why: it was his first show and it was genius from day one. Turning that horror movie cliche of the dumb blonde victim on its head...and then on its ass...and then back on its head again, "Buffy" paved the way for strong female characters who could also be funny and flawed. "Buffy" was an original. And holy cow, was it ever funny. Every episode was packed to the brim with absurd and unforgettable lines that I will continue to quote decades after everyone ceases listening to me. And just as "Angel" and "Firefly" did, "Buffy" could get manic clowns with blood made of Xanax to cry -- when Angel turned on her, when Giles betrayed her and oh my God, when Joyce died. That episode is one of the most heart-rending and crushingly disturbing portrayals of death ever shown on television and why Whedon wasn't given an eternal Emmy award right then and there will always be a mystery to me.

So no matter how great "Dollhouse" turns out to be -- and I have deep nerd faith that it will be awesome (despite my "meh" feelings about the previews) -- it will never be as good as "Buffy." And that's not a criticism. It's just that "Buffy" was the groundbreaker. She made everything else possible and for that one simple reason, it's a show that will never be topped.

Still though, nothing beats "Aliens 3."

What do you think?

Nerd Man of the Month: Adam Baldwin

This month’s Nerd Man and I go way back – in the sense that we’ve never met and I just watch him a lot on TV. When I was a kid, one of my favorite movies was called “My Bodyguard,” a movie about a kid who goes to a new school and gets beaten up all the time until he hires the troubled, brooding big guy to protect him. As someone who used to get crammed into lockers on a frequent basis, this movie spoke to me…and it didn’t hurt that the brooding guy was kind of hot. His name? Adam Baldwin. And not only did he continue to be hot, he then started starring in pretty much every good sci-fi show and movie produced in the last 15 years, from “The X-Files,” “Angel” and “Independence Day” to “Firefly,” “Serenity” and now “Chuck.” My friends, he was even in the cheesy TV remake of “The Poseidon Adventure,” in which he ROCKED.

And unlike most people who aren’t animated characters on “South Park,” he looks damn good in an orange knit hat. These are just a few of the reasons why Adam Baldwin has earned August’s Nerd Man of the Month honors.

Baldwin’s not just another pretty face. In fact, he’s not very pretty at all. He looks like an archetypal tough guy, all brawn and scowl. But here’s what makes him different, separating him, so to speak, from the Vin Diesel chaff: he’s pretty damn funny and never more so when he’s uttering the words of Joss Whedon. Baldwin’s 13 episodes as Jayne in Whedon’s “Firefly” left an indelible impression. He managed to make Jayne arrogant, ridiculous, cold-hearted, endearing, dangerous and reluctantly good all at once – sometimes all in one scene. He was the menacing funny guy. Only Jayne could have become a folk hero by running away and accidentally dropping all his stolen cash, making the people of Canton believe he was their Robin Hood. And only Baldwin could have conveyed the utter horror and arrogant pride that Jayne felt when he realized just how much all those Cantonians loved him. In fact, let’s all take a moment and reflect on “The Hero of Canton,” a man named Jayne...as sung by Baldwin:



The thing is, nerds love underdogs, too, and in the world of acting, Baldwin seems like the ultimate underdog. He’s never been a huge star and probably never will be. He’s never headlined a movie or shown up on Perez Hilton’s site. Even in his new series, “Chuck,” where he plays a government agent assigned to protect the geeky title character (flashback to “My Bodyguard?”), he’s rarely center stage but he always, always steals the scene. He’s a guy who seems to just work hard, plug along and quietly entertain the millions of people who secretly know he’s awesome. And in the end, well, that’s a hugely endearing quality.

So please join me in doffing our flappy-eared hats and honoring Adam Baldwin with this month’s Nerd Man title. Now let’s go shoot some space guns! It’s what Jayne would want.

Nerd Man of the Month: Nathan Fillion

This past week, People Magazine -- also known as The Big Book of Pictures -- named Matt Damon its annual Sexiest Man Alive. Far more important, however, was the ranking on page 144 wherein they included Nathan Fillion in their "Domestic Bliss" section, which was nestled between their Men in Sexy Places section and their Sexy and Shirtless section, neither of which I looked through seven or eight times.

There are two significant facts you should know about Nathan's inclusion in the "Domestic Bliss" section. One, he gave the best quote in the whole magazine: "There are black widow spiders in my backyard, coyotes walking down the streets, killer bees, rattlesnakes -- there's so much around L.A. that'll kill you!" And second, his glamor shot was one of the worst Photoshopped images I've ever seen. Don't the editors of People Magazine know the cardinal rule? You don't Photoshop Nathan Fillion's face. In fact, I'm fairly certain that was one of the original Ten Commandments: When thine Canadian Nathan Fillion appears unto you, thou shalt not ruin his prettiness with thine Erase tool.* Right?

In order to defray the sadness of the poorly Photoshopped Nathan, The Park Bench is naming him its November Nerd Man of the Month. We have bestowed this honor upon him for other significant reasons as well including the fact that:

He can fly a space ship. How cool is that?


Okay, he might not actually know how to fly a space ship, but I bet he knows people who can.

Also, he's a terrific, under-appreciated actor who shines in anything he does, from his days as Captain Mal in "Firefly" to his appearances in "Lost" and "Buffy" to his role as a sweet, confused and sympathetic ob/gyn in "Waitress" to his role as a sweet, confused and sympathetic ob/gyn in "Desperate Housewives" (I'm sensing a pattern here) to his hilarious yet heroic turn (he battled a deranged deer!!) as Bill Pardy in "SLiTHER."


And most important of all, the man's damn funny. Just check out his three faces of soap opera acting:



For all this and yes, for his ability to wear tight pants, we bestow our shallow Park Bench love on Nathan Fillion and welcome him to the Nerd Man pantheon.

*The rule was amended years later to read: Thou shalt not Photoshop Nathan Fillion unless it's to make it look like he was your date at the senior prom. As the Pope said at the time, "That's just common sense."

Ten Great Nerd Couples

In honor of Sweetest Day, which is tomorrow and which I recently discovered is mostly a Midwestern phenomenon invented, no doubt, to make us feel better about being stuck in the goddamn Midwest, I've compiled a list of Great Nerd Couples. I know I'm probably forgetting some biggies -- I tend to do that, like when I'm in a meeting and try to make a list of all the United States in my head but always end up forgetting the one in which I actually live. Anyway, this is just a little smorgasbord of fictional love, meant to bring out the Cupid in all of us. If, of course, your Cupid watches sci-fi and likes English literature.

Elizabeth and Darcy / Pride and Prejudice


Miscommunication, repression, awkward social moments -- that's what love is really all about, isn't it? Jane Austen certainly got it right with Pride and Prejudice. Few novels portray the silly awkward dance of brain-crunching confusion that permeates just about every romance -- fictional or non-fictional -- that ever was or will be. Plus, any story that gets turned into a movie with Colin Firth wins points in my book -- yes, even Bridget Jones' Diary.

Hermione and Ron / Harry Potter series


Thank God Hermione was in charge of this romance or things never would have gotten off the ground. As clueless as Ron may have been, at least he recognized the value of a good, smart -- very smart -- woman. I'm glad they finally got rid of that pesky third wheel, too. What was his name? Harry something....

Bones and Booth / Bones


Bones and Booth. Is that a great name for a saloon or what? As characters, these two have a nice ying-yang of geek/non-geek going on as well as a gift for significant glances and engaging banter. And as much as we loved Boreanaz as Buffy's broody boyfriend Angel, isn't it nice to see him undead and cracking jokes in the sunlight? It makes him look taller, I think.

+ Jim and Pam / The Office


These two are sweet, sweet wish fulfillment for anyone who's ever had an office crush. (And yes, I'm talking to you. I see how you look at the guy in accounting. Go ahead, give him an invoice...if that's what the kids are calling it these days.) Seriously, wouldn't work be wonderful if we all had someone fun to share it with? Jim and Pam make us wistful while also making us laugh, whether it's recruiting Dwight for the CIA or faxing him from the future. Good times...

Han and Leia / Star Wars


And at this very moment, millions of pre-adolescent girls across the globe learned that kissing is in no way icky, especially when it involves Harrison Ford.

Lois and Superman / Superman


Sure, Lois was always kind of mean to Superman's nerdy alter ego, but you've got to admire the commitment of these two crazy kids. Decades worth of comic books, three TV series, more than a half dozen movies -- that's sticking with it for the long haul. Plus, the guy made the Earth spin backwards just to save her, even though she was played by Margot Kidder. If that's not true love, I don't know what is.

Wash and Zoe / Firefly


Probably the least dysfunctional and therefore most doomed of all the Whedonverse romances. But hey, we enjoyed our toy dinosaur-loving, spaceship-flying, slightly jealous Wash and his patient, quietly sarcastic and decidedly deadly mercenary wife Zoe while they lasted. Yup, it was all sunshine and puppies until the whole "I am a leaf on the wind" debacle, which I now think of whenever I see drifting foliage. Thanks a lot for ruining fall for me, Whedon!

Mulder and Scully / The X-Files


Ah, the classics. Mulder and Scully were the standard bearers of great nerd love. Him, all crazy, anti-social sexy loner guy with the raging persecution complex. Her, the brainy scientist with an uncanny ability to run in high heels, get kidnapped and traumatized and never, ever get to be right about anything. What does it all add up to? Love, baby. Or at least the tacit suggestion of such after nine long, frustrating years. This was a Chris Carter show after all.

Beatrice and Benedick / Much Ado About Nothing


This is where we class the joint up, what with the Shakespeare and the iambic pentameter and the well-managed cleavage. Beatrice and Benedick earn nerd romance honors for their simple elegant snark and for the beautifully contrived crossed-wires that keep them at arms length while the younger, less interesting Hero and Claudio sort out their feeble swooning. The old saucy couples are always, always more fun than the dull pretty ones.

Adama and Roslin / Battlestar Galactica


Speaking of old saucy couples, we've got these two who basically have "tragedy ahead" stamped all over their foreheads. First their home planet gets nuked. Then they find out there are only 50,000 humans (soon to be less) left in the universe. Then they get put in charge of the whole mess. Talk about pressure. Top it off with Roslin's cancer and that whole "dying leader" prophecy and Adama's hard drinking and tendency to grow pornstaches, and you've got a recipe for some sad days ahead. Let's hope they get at least a few quiet moments together before the world ends -- again.

And on that note...Happy Sweetest Day everyone!

Screw you, mainstream television, we've got a list!

TV Guide has compiled a list of the Top Cult TV Shows Ever. Star Trek clocks in at a predictable number one with The X-Files nipping at its heels in second. That short-skirt-wearing, demon-pummeling Buffy and the Scoobies come in at third. I was sad to see that Angel didn't make the list, but at least Firefly's hanging in there at 25 and the way-cool Mystery Science Theater 3000 is making its presence known at number 13.