I have not been abducted by aliens or turned into Soylent Green. This is just the time of year at work when I get overwhelmed and spend most of the day huddled under my desk weeping softly. If I had been abducted by aliens, though, it would be been the perfect segue into today’s riveting subject matter:
In honor of Halloween, which scary monster would you most like to be…if, you know, you were forced to enlist in the scary monster corps?
I’ve been thinking about this deeply between bouts of insomnia and binge drinking the last few days, and I’ve come to a few conclusions.
On the surface of it, being a ghost seems like a good bet because a) you can walk through walls b) wearing a sheet means the elimination of fashion dilemmas c) you’re in good company with the likes of Casper and d) you have a pretty good chance of being on “Ghost Hunters.” But I don’t know, ghosts just seem so commonplace. The whole thing’s a bit of a yawner.
So maybe a vampire? There’s good mojo with the whole “Buffy”/”Angel” mythos. Who wouldn’t want to be a member of Spike’s club? And there’s history what with Dracula although being associated with a guy named Vlad the Impaler kind of puts a damper on new friendships. Also, blood sans vodka, ice and a stalk of celery seems like a pretty disgusting beverage.
Wolfwoman perhaps? I’d never get any baying or howling done with all that shaving and waxing.
Frankenstein monster? Detachable parts seem dangerous. Also, a square head would NOT flatter my body shape.
Which leads me to zombie. I’d definitely get a lot of walking done with all the shambling about and wreaking of havoc. On the other hand, cardio’s probably not so important with the undead. Also, I’d worry about mad cow disease with the all-brain diet. Still, though, you can’t deny that the market is hot for zombies. There’s books, movies, voodoo, Rob Zombie – the list goes on. Plus, the inarticulate groaning means never having to worry about mispronouncing a word I’ve only ever read on the page. Buh-bye awkward linguistic embarrassment, hello “aaarghgrrrr brains.”
My final verdict? Zombie all the way.
What kind of monster would you be?
