And here, just to bring you up to date, are a few highlights of the last couple years.
- I shrank 13 pounds through a simple and healthy regimen that involved wisdom tooth surgery and a heretofore unknown allergy to anesthesia. Two days of vomiting followed by ten days of only eating foods that were mushy. Hell yeah, I could sell that diet to a glossy magazine.
- In related news, I gained five pounds back by eating donuts like a vengeful piranha in a SyFy movie.
- Moved to a new house where we are the hillbillies of the neighborhood. This was a relief after previously living next door to a man whose nickname -- painted on the back of his truck -- was Chainsaw. Still, though, am thinking of removing all the wheels from a Matchbox car and putting it up on tiny blocks in the front yard, just to provoke.
- Wrote a novel. A whole novel with pages that turn and everything.
- Am now the mother of a wonderful little boy who seems to prefer the Star Wars prequels to the real movies. He is young, though, so there's time to correct his egregious error in judgment.
So yeah, that's where I'm at. The motherhood thing means I'm guaranteed to be at least two weeks behind on any pop culture event that occurs -- although I KNOW for a fact that Iron Man 3 is coming out this spring. I have a special neuron that twitches with delight whenever one of those babies is nigh. So I'm afraid I won't be bringing you much breaking news, but I'll still try to crack a few jokes and give you meaningful insight on the Sprout channel lineup -- whether you want it or not. (You probably won't.)