Shaking the nerdy girl blues

I’ve been feeling a bit out of sorts the last day or so, which got me thinking: other women buy shoes and throw drinks at their boyfriends when they're feeling down, but what do us nerdy sorts do? When the blues hit, I always like to take a day for myself to help recover the swing in my sashay. Here’s how it works:

7:30am
Call in sick. Choose a malady: Gout? Malaria? Rabies? Pick one, it’s your day to feel saucy.

7:31am
Go back to sleep. Dream about pie.

11:30am
Wake up. Eat pie.

11:35am
Think about going to gym. Laugh and laugh. “Thanks, gym, for raising my spirits! I knew you’d come in handy some day!”

Noon
Get up. Take shower. Decide not to wash hair. It’s your way of stickin’ it to The Man. Yeah!

12:10pm
Watch comfort DVD: maybe one of those angsty season two X-Files episode when Scully went missing and Mulder was all by himself. Cry alongside forlorn Mulder. Hot, hot forlorn Mulder...

12:14pm
Smoke cigarette.

12:15pm
Finish episode.

1pm
Decide to go shopping. Go to bookstore. “I’m only going to buy one,” you tell yourself. Oh, silly you. Emerge 45-minutes later like a small, laden camel. Reassure yourself that books are good for you. They are not a compulsion.

2pm
Look at receipt. Realize they are a compulsion. Assuage guilt. Eat pie. Rinse. Repeat.

2:30pm
Go online to buy that lamp you’ve been wanting from IKEA. You deserve it. You’re feeling blue. But you’re going to be thrifty this time!

2:37pm
Worry new couch won’t fit in living room.

2:39pm
Oops, forgot the lamp.

3pm
Go to Blockbuster and rent chick flick.

4pm
Imagine shirtless wrestling match between Colin Firth, Hugh Grant, Jude Law and Eric Bana.

4:15pm
Still thinkin’...

4:20pm
Still thinkin’...

4:22pm
Colin Firth wins!

5:30pm
Staring contest with cat. Cat blinks. Dance of victory proves to her once and for all the dominance of the human species. Later, she vomits in your shoe.

6pm
Call friends. Go to dinner. Have pie for dessert. Class it up with ice cream.

7:30pm
See “Transformers”

10pm
Still feeling blue. Wonder when you got so old that even flying robots couldn’t ease your existential angst.

11pm
Take Xanax.

11:30pm
Everything’s fine. Thanks, Pfizer!