I’ve been feeling a bit out of sorts the last day or so, which got me thinking: other women buy shoes and throw drinks at their boyfriends when they're feeling down, but what do us nerdy sorts do? When the blues hit, I always like to take a day for myself to help recover the swing in my sashay. Here’s how it works:
Call in sick. Choose a malady: Gout? Malaria? Rabies? Pick one, it’s your day to feel saucy.
Go back to sleep. Dream about pie.
Wake up. Eat pie.
Think about going to gym. Laugh and laugh. “Thanks, gym, for raising my spirits! I knew you’d come in handy some day!”
Get up. Take shower. Decide not to wash hair. It’s your way of stickin’ it to The Man. Yeah!
Watch comfort DVD: maybe one of those angsty season two X-Files episode when Scully went missing and Mulder was all by himself. Cry alongside forlorn Mulder. Hot, hot forlorn Mulder...
Decide to go shopping. Go to bookstore. “I’m only going to buy one,” you tell yourself. Oh, silly you. Emerge 45-minutes later like a small, laden camel. Reassure yourself that books are good for you. They are not a compulsion.
Look at receipt. Realize they are a compulsion. Assuage guilt. Eat pie. Rinse. Repeat.
Go online to buy that lamp you’ve been wanting from IKEA. You deserve it. You’re feeling blue. But you’re going to be thrifty this time!
Worry new couch won’t fit in living room.
Oops, forgot the lamp.
Go to Blockbuster and rent chick flick.
Imagine shirtless wrestling match between Colin Firth, Hugh Grant, Jude Law and Eric Bana.
Colin Firth wins!
Staring contest with cat. Cat blinks. Dance of victory proves to her once and for all the dominance of the human species. Later, she vomits in your shoe.
Call friends. Go to dinner. Have pie for dessert. Class it up with ice cream.
Still feeling blue. Wonder when you got so old that even flying robots couldn’t ease your existential angst.
Everything’s fine. Thanks, Pfizer!