Ah, I love the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest -- yup, the contest devoted to terrible first lines and inspired by that golden oldie, "It was a dark and stormy night." The winners have been announced and here are a few favorites:
"Like a mechanic who forgets to wipe his hands on a shop rag and then goes home, hugs his wife, and gets a grease stain on her favorite sweater - love touches you, and marks you forever." By Beth Fand Incollingo
"'Toads of glory, slugs of joy,' sang Groin the dwarf as he trotted jovially down the path before a great dragon ate him because the author knew that this story was a train wreck after he typed the first few words." By Alex Hall
And my personal favorite:
"'Die, commie pigs!' grunted Sergeant "Rocky" Steele through his cigar stub as he machine-gunned the North Korean farm animals." By Dave Ranson
Check out the rest of the winners here.