EXPERIENCE: Made the Kessel Run in 12 parsecs. Saved the Rebel Alliance. Survived an ugly experience in a trash compactor. Bagged a princess.PROS: Shoots first, doesn't ask any questions later. Looks good in vests. Hangs with smooth dudes like Lando Calrissian.
CONS: Never once killed an Ewok. Running mate Chewbacca will shed on EVERYTHING.
EXPERIENCE: Battlestar executive officer. Resistence fighter. Running mate "familiar" with presidential duties.PROS: Hearty, pirate-esque grimace is great motivator. Big fan of Jimi Hendrix.
CONS: Cylon baby daddy. Also, Cylon. Also, cyclops.
EXPERIENCE: Battlestar admiral. Savior of humanity. Taught math to inner city youth.PROS: Scowls like nobody's business. Can totally cheat off girlfriend on the president exam. Already has celebrity endorsements:
CONS: Crushes model ships....which is why we can't have nice things in outer space.Cthulhu '08
EXPERIENCE: Has his own cult. Ruled the world in ages past.
PROS: Tentacles enable extraordinary multi-tasking. Evil.
CONS: Name guarantees he'll turn around every time someone sneezes. Also, evil.
General Zod
EXPERIENCE: Kryptonian political prisoner. Took over world 15 minutes after getting here. Made Superman look like the little girl the other little girls make fun of.
PROS: Self-confident. Can fly. Can levitate buses. Fits into very small places.
CONS: Wee bit of a cross-dressing issue.
Macgyver 2008
EXPERIENCE: Has gotten out of more than 10 million scrapes. Leather jacket has lived through five presidential administrations. Knows what the hell a Stargate is.
PROS: Will create effective cabinet using string, bubble gum and the condemned soul of Robert McNamara.
CONS: Mullet once killed a guy.
Stephen Colbert (suspended race)
EXPERIENCE: Has his own cult. Ruled the world in ages past.
PROS: Tentacles enable extraordinary multi-tasking. Evil.
CONS: Name guarantees he'll turn around every time someone sneezes. Also, evil.
General Zod
EXPERIENCE: Kryptonian political prisoner. Took over world 15 minutes after getting here. Made Superman look like the little girl the other little girls make fun of.PROS: Self-confident. Can fly. Can levitate buses. Fits into very small places.
CONS: Wee bit of a cross-dressing issue.
Macgyver 2008
EXPERIENCE: Has gotten out of more than 10 million scrapes. Leather jacket has lived through five presidential administrations. Knows what the hell a Stargate is.PROS: Will create effective cabinet using string, bubble gum and the condemned soul of Robert McNamara.
CONS: Mullet once killed a guy.
Stephen Colbert (suspended race)
EXPERIENCE: Portrait hung over prominent National Portrait Gallery water fountain.PROS: Two very impressive thumbs. Can summon bald eagle with his mind. Only candidate with DNA in outer space. Wrists are very strong.
CONS: His flawless face on Mount Rushmore will make existing dead presidents feel insecure.
So which of these candidates would have your vote?
