Not happy with the presidential candidates? May we suggest a few alternatives?

Tired of talking about McCain and Obama? Palin and Biden? Happily, there are some promising alternatives out there. Let's take a look at them, shall we?

Han Solo/Chewbacca '08

EXPERIENCE: Made the Kessel Run in 12 parsecs. Saved the Rebel Alliance. Survived an ugly experience in a trash compactor. Bagged a princess.
PROS: Shoots first, doesn't ask any questions later. Looks good in vests. Hangs with smooth dudes like Lando Calrissian.
CONS: Never once killed an Ewok. Running mate Chewbacca will shed on EVERYTHING.

Tigh/Roslin '08

EXPERIENCE: Battlestar executive officer. Resistence fighter. Running mate "familiar" with presidential duties.
PROS: Hearty, pirate-esque grimace is great motivator. Big fan of Jimi Hendrix.
CONS: Cylon baby daddy. Also, Cylon. Also, cyclops.

Adama '08

EXPERIENCE: Battlestar admiral. Savior of humanity. Taught math to inner city youth.
PROS: Scowls like nobody's business. Can totally cheat off girlfriend on the president exam. Already has celebrity endorsements:

CONS: Crushes model ships....which is why we can't have nice things in outer space.

Cthulhu '08

EXPERIENCE: Has his own cult. Ruled the world in ages past.
PROS: Tentacles enable extraordinary multi-tasking. Evil.
CONS: Name guarantees he'll turn around every time someone sneezes. Also, evil.

General Zod

EXPERIENCE: Kryptonian political prisoner. Took over world 15 minutes after getting here. Made Superman look like the little girl the other little girls make fun of.
PROS: Self-confident. Can fly. Can levitate buses. Fits into very small places.
CONS: Wee bit of a cross-dressing issue.

Macgyver 2008

EXPERIENCE: Has gotten out of more than 10 million scrapes. Leather jacket has lived through five presidential administrations. Knows what the hell a Stargate is.
PROS: Will create effective cabinet using string, bubble gum and the condemned soul of Robert McNamara.
CONS: Mullet once killed a guy.

Stephen Colbert (suspended race)

EXPERIENCE: Portrait hung over prominent National Portrait Gallery water fountain.
PROS: Two very impressive thumbs. Can summon bald eagle with his mind. Only candidate with DNA in outer space. Wrists are very strong.
CONS: His flawless face on Mount Rushmore will make existing dead presidents feel insecure.

So which of these candidates would have your vote?

Point/Counterpoint: Star Wars

Never ones to shy away from life’s hard issues, fellow Park Bencher Ms. C and I have tackled one of the most divisive, difficult questions known in all of girl nerddom: who’s better – Luke Skywalker or Han Solo? Feel free to chime in with your own thoughts in the comments section after reading our spirited debate below, moderated by the spirit of Brit Hume:

Ms. C: Luke's the HERO. He saves everybody! Sure, he needs Han's help, but what real man doesn't accept a friend's help when saving the world from evil?

Liz: Yes, but Luke never would have blown up the Death Star in Episode Four without Han coming in at the last minute to save him. Ergo, without Han, the Empire would have incinerated Luke and all the other rebels. Plus, let's face it, Han wore better clothes and probably didn't smell like toasted Jawas.

Ms. C: Luke has vitality and a youthful exuberance that counteracts Han's cynical selfishness. Plus, Luke has blond hair and we all know, it's a scientific fact, that blonds have more fun. I read that once. Also, Luke isn't spoiled by years of illegal dealings, and if we're going to start name-calling about smells, how 'bout the fact that Luke didn't have the lingering odor of wet wookiee?

Liz: If by "cynical selfishness" you mean "unbridled hotness," then I agree totally. And while I concur that, in general, blonds do have more fun, Luke almost single-handedly tanks that theory by accidentally making out with his own sister after his encounter with the Wampa monster on Hoth in Episode 5. Oh, wait -- and who saved him from the Wampa? *cough*Han AGAIN*cough*. As for the wet wookiee, I’ll have you know that Chewbacca smells like Herbal Essences.

Ms. C: I would hardly call that peck on the lips "making out." But I digress; sure, Luke lacks the eroticism of the "bad boy," the rebel, the savvy ne'er-do-well, but need I remind you that without Luke's strategy, confidence, and sexy skill with the light saber, Han would still be a giant licorice popsicle decorating Jabba's den?

Liz: Alright, you got me with the rescue from Jabba's lair. Luke did a good job there for once, but frankly, Han may not have been in that awkward position if he'd just gone back to Tatooine with his reward money and paid off Jabba instead of sticking around to save Luke at the end of Episode Four. Also, Han saved the ark from all those Nazis.

Ms. C: Luke has the Force!

Liz: Han never did Cinemax porn.

And with that, we shake hands and call it a draw. Then the spirit of Brit Hume gives us post-debate rub-downs, and we have cocoa.