Monday Odds & Ends: animated "Doctor Who," Buffy and Colbert, "Supernatural" & Little Red Riding Hood

+ The BBC released its first look at the new Doctor Who animated special, "Dreamland," set to air this fall. Voiced by David Tennant, the special takes the Doctor to Roswell, New Mexico, home of the famous (infamous?) flying saucer crash/hoax of the late 1940s. I haven't seen the other "Who" animated special but I'm liking the illustration work for this one:

+ Looking forward to the new season of "Supernatural?" Here's a new preview to tide you over:



+ Speaking of apocalypses, here's something I never thought I'd see: a Stephen Colbert/"Buffy" crossover. Now I haven't been keeping up with Dark Horse's Season 8 "Buffy" comics but apparently recent developments have Harmony landing her own reality show and going on "The Colbert Report" to pimp it. This scenario tickles me to no end. Here's a panel from the comic:

+ Details emerged this weekend on the new "World of Warcraft: Cataclysm" expansion. Among the newsy bits, there's gonna be goblins and werewolves now. The expansion is set for release in 2010.

+ We're going back to the classics at least: Leonardo DiCaprio's production company is looking to revamp "Little Red Riding Hood," putting -- and I'm not making this up -- a teenage love triangle at the center of the story. It looks like "Twilight" director Catherine Hardwicke will be directing this bad boy as well. It's totally going to put a downer on the prom, though, when grandma gets eaten. Sorry, spoilers.

+ Now this sounds like it could actually be a cool movie: a film adaptation of the "Bioshock" game, which scares the bejeezus out of me just watching my husband play it. Juan Carlos Fresnadillo, who directed "28 Weeks Later," which, coincidentally also scared the bejeezus out of me, will head this one up too.

+ Check back in later today to find out who won the nifty "9" prize. And thanks to everyone who entered -- it was great to see so much interest!

Our next president is a big nerd!

I had no idea that President-Elect Obama was a collector of Spider-Man comic books! Between that and the Peruvian puppy and the fact that, well, he reads books and such, the White House could be waving its nerd flag high for the next four to eight years.

Even better is the fact that as of last night Stephen Colbert is trying to use Obama's Spidey love to get him on the show. Says Comic Book Resources:

CBR News has confirmed that on Thursday’s episode of Comedy Central’s “The Colbert Report,” host Stephen Colbert will challenge Barack Obama to appear on a show, using the U.S. President Elect’s reported fanboy roots as bait.

In the final segment of the show, Marvel Comics Editor-in-Chief will appear alongside Colbert and present the faux-conservative commentator with a copy of “The Amazing Spider-Man” #573 featuring a variant cover – illustrated by Quesada and Richard Isanove – depicting Colbert in the iconic pose seen on the cover of 1962’s “Amazing Fantasy” #15, Spider-Man’s first appearance.

Quesada and Colbert will both autograph the special issue, which Colbert will then offer to President Elect and Spider-Man comic book collector Barack Obama should he accept the invitation to appear on “The Colbert Report.”

Colbert makes Gotham City his bitch...without even mussing his hair!

Stephen Colbert kicks ass in every pop culture realm. Check out the cover of his upcoming special issue of The Amazing Spider-Man:

I love it.

Friday odds and ends

• Further evidence that one day Stephen Colbert will rule us all: he'll be appearing in the next issue of Amazing Spider-Man, presumably in two dimensions.

• Johnny Depp has signed on to play the Mad Hatter in Tim Burton's upcoming Alice in Wonderland film. In far, far less exciting news, Depp also will appear in a fourth Pirates movie. If they promise to make this one run less than 17 hours, I might go see it.

• Following in the footsteps of This American Life, it looks like my all-time favorite NPR show, "Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me" is going to be turned into a TV series. Here's hoping it doesn't lose any of its wonderful, softly sarcastic charm in the process. And will the top prize still be an answering machine message?

• The Buffster returns! Sarah Michelle Gellar will be appearing in a new HBO half-hour series called "The Wonderful Maladys" about a group of three neurotic siblings who suffer the loss of their parents at a young age. The series' writer describes Gellar's character as having "a kind of zealous immaturity -- like a drug addict with a to-do list." At least she'll be organized...

• Bill Murray talked about "Ghostbusters" recently and said he'd be open to being involved in "Ghostbusters 3," which, as was mentioned a couple weeks ago, is being penned by two "Office" scribes. Cool.

• And finally, I was going to be coy and say, "Oh, look, The Park Bench got nominated for best geek blog over at the Blogger's Choice Awards! What a complete surprise!" But I don't think I'd be fooling anyone. Yes, I went and nominated the old gal myself because I'm not the kind of woman who waits to be asked to the dance (okay, actually, I waited A LOT in high school.). Anyway, if you'd like to cast a vote for The Park Bench, I'd love it more than candy.

Not happy with the presidential candidates? May we suggest a few alternatives?

Tired of talking about McCain and Obama? Palin and Biden? Happily, there are some promising alternatives out there. Let's take a look at them, shall we?

Han Solo/Chewbacca '08

EXPERIENCE: Made the Kessel Run in 12 parsecs. Saved the Rebel Alliance. Survived an ugly experience in a trash compactor. Bagged a princess.
PROS: Shoots first, doesn't ask any questions later. Looks good in vests. Hangs with smooth dudes like Lando Calrissian.
CONS: Never once killed an Ewok. Running mate Chewbacca will shed on EVERYTHING.

Tigh/Roslin '08

EXPERIENCE: Battlestar executive officer. Resistence fighter. Running mate "familiar" with presidential duties.
PROS: Hearty, pirate-esque grimace is great motivator. Big fan of Jimi Hendrix.
CONS: Cylon baby daddy. Also, Cylon. Also, cyclops.

Adama '08

EXPERIENCE: Battlestar admiral. Savior of humanity. Taught math to inner city youth.
PROS: Scowls like nobody's business. Can totally cheat off girlfriend on the president exam. Already has celebrity endorsements:

CONS: Crushes model ships....which is why we can't have nice things in outer space.

Cthulhu '08

EXPERIENCE: Has his own cult. Ruled the world in ages past.
PROS: Tentacles enable extraordinary multi-tasking. Evil.
CONS: Name guarantees he'll turn around every time someone sneezes. Also, evil.

General Zod

EXPERIENCE: Kryptonian political prisoner. Took over world 15 minutes after getting here. Made Superman look like the little girl the other little girls make fun of.
PROS: Self-confident. Can fly. Can levitate buses. Fits into very small places.
CONS: Wee bit of a cross-dressing issue.

Macgyver 2008

EXPERIENCE: Has gotten out of more than 10 million scrapes. Leather jacket has lived through five presidential administrations. Knows what the hell a Stargate is.
PROS: Will create effective cabinet using string, bubble gum and the condemned soul of Robert McNamara.
CONS: Mullet once killed a guy.

Stephen Colbert (suspended race)

EXPERIENCE: Portrait hung over prominent National Portrait Gallery water fountain.
PROS: Two very impressive thumbs. Can summon bald eagle with his mind. Only candidate with DNA in outer space. Wrists are very strong.
CONS: His flawless face on Mount Rushmore will make existing dead presidents feel insecure.

So which of these candidates would have your vote?

Endorsing America's Next Top President -- with free bonus book review included!

Stephen Colbert announced his candidacy for President of the United States last night, and The Park Bench would like to hereby officially endorse the good man as its number one choice – nay, its only choice – for the job. We issue this endorsement not only because we respect his manly coiffure and panther-like prowess behind the anchor desk, but also because we feel this is the safest route possible in the event that the Colbert Nation actually takes over the nation. Which, if they move very quietly and without any sudden movements, is entirely possible. So I hope Future President Mr. Colbert will remember who his friends were in the early dark days of his campaign when no one but his mother and millions and millions and millions of rabidly loyal fans were behind him.

And since we're sucking up to Colbert anyway, I may as well share my thoughts on his best-selling tome, I Am America and So Can You. But before I do, let me just take a moment to high-five the creators of the Barnes and Noble discount card for saving me a whopping $12 on this beauty. It was a moment of gorgeous frugality and one I’ll likely never forget…until the day I save $13 on something.

Anyway, back to the book. It’s very good, very entertaining and very funny. Parts of it lag, but that’s just the way it is with any humor book. You’ve got to give folks a respite from laughing at insulting the elderly and Colbert's (written) cries of “Baby carrots are making me gay!” So with that in mind, the book definitely satisfies…yes, just like a Snickers.

I Am America owes a lot to the usual “this is my political philosophy, aren't I awesome” books that politicians and pundits like to cough up like so many hairballs every election cycle. It also owes a lot, though, to John Hodgman’s Areas of My Expertise with its willingness to just shoot manically and without reason from subject to subject with breathtaking ease and hilarious results. And I love the margin notes, which perfectly mimic the point/counterpoint of the nightly The Word segment on "The Colbert Report."

The book is a well-written, perfectly toned exercise in absurdity, something which I hope real politicians will aim for in the future. It would make this whole process a lot easier.

So, both of my thumbs are up in the air, wavin' like I just don't care, for I Am America and So Can You. And, by the way, if you’re waiting to buy the soft cover, don’t, because there are lots of very cool unexpected extras in the hardcover, like a sign you can put in your window alerting firefighters as to how many copies of I Am America and So Can You are in your household and in need of rescuing before and/or in place of your pets and children. You know John Grisham is kicking himself for not thinking of that one first....

Wednesday tidbits

* The release yesterday of Stephen Colbert's new book, I Am America and So Can You! has meant a wonderful flurry of interviews with the man himself, including a terrific one he did yesterday with Terry Gross on NPR's "Fresh Air." It's 48 minutes long, but it provides great insight into how "The Colbert Report" is done as well as some interesting details on Colbert's infamously awesome White House Correspondents Dinner performance. If you don't have 48 minutes to spare and would rather skip ahead to my favorite part (and who wouldn't?), go to the 45th minute of the interview and hear Colbert talk about trying to convince Henry Kissinger to say the words, "Where are my pancakes? I was promised pancakes." Colbert's Kissinger impression is brilliant.

* In other news, Variety is reporting that Eric Bana will play the villain Nero in J.J. Abrams new "Star Trek" movie. I hope this Nero character is actually supposed to be the Roman emperor of the same name so that we can have some cool time travel and see Spock wearing a toga while listening to some inexplicable hippie music -- just like a real episode of the original Star Trek! My fingers are crossed....

* A wealthy dude with money to burn ponied up $250,000 for the first issue of the "Batman" comic. He hasn't actually read it yet. I'd be afraid to read anything I just paid $250,000 for, too. One good sneeze and you erase $50,000 off the resale value. Talk about pressure.

Nerd Men of the Month: Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart

Watching a particular pair of Emmy presenters the other night gave me a big ol' case of nerd love which is why, after counting the ballots in my head and in the heads of many other nerdy women without them even knowing it, I am thrilled to name Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart as The Park Bench's September Nerd Men of the Month.

Colbert gets the nod not only for his perfect, Cary Grant-like hair -- an achievement in and of itself -- but also because he's created an on-screen persona that is as perfectly crafted as anything Jack Benny or Will Rogers ever did. Pompous, dismissive and always hilarious, the Stephen Colbert of "The Colbert Report" is the perfect antidote to all of the equally ridiculous characters populating today's cable news channels. In an era that seems to have forgotten what real discourse is, it seems highly rational to fight lunacy with lunacy. He also wins the vote because of his brilliant White House Correspondent's Dinner performance a couple years back, being so subtly satiric it hurt...and made you worried he was either going to get audited into eternity or shivved in the parking lot by Margaret Spellings. He's nerdy enough to wield a lightsaber against George Lucas and even makes up his own words, like "truthiness," which pretty much sums up American politics these days. And finally, he gets the glittering, glamorous and yes, imaginary trophy because he has managed to mock the ubiquity of Lance Armstrong-inspired wrist bands with his great "WristStrong" creation while still raising money for returning U.S. troops, proving you can mock and be a nice guy all at the same time.

And we give the other half of this esteemed prize to Jon Stewart because without him there likely would be no "Daily Show," no Stephen Colbert (yes, Jon Stewart is like Colbert's TV womb), no Steve Carell, and most importantly, no "Big Daddy." No, wait, actually Adam Sandler probably still would've made that one without him -- damn it. We give this to Jon Stewart because he and his team present a show that's far more informative than most actual cable news programs, and because he's made politics interesting for millions of young Americans who now know when to be skeptical. He earns the big honor, too, because he and Colbert are two comedians who managed to get the mainstream press to treat them like real reporters and look like idiots in the process. Yes, that means you, Fox News. Besides, who doesn't love a guy who picks a fight with Tucker Carlson? I know I can't resist.

So thank you, Mr. Colbert and Mr. Stewart, for making us laugh when sometimes we just want to cry.

Wait, a show I like actually won?

Wow, was that the worst Emmy broadcast you've ever seen or what? I mean, I knew it would be bad what with Ryan Seacrest on hand and no Simon to beat him down with his chesticular awesomeness, but who knew it would just be a weird, uneven, unfunny, draggy train wreck?

First, I'll list a few good things because as my grandmother always said, if you can't say something nice about an overinflated, self-congratulatory Hollywood awards show, don't say anything. So here are some highlights:

* The Park Bench's TV mascot "30 Rock" won for best comedy, which was unexpectedly great. Considering the entire broadcast was a "Sopranos" love-fest, I was half-expecting it to take that award too but no, cooler heads prevailed and Tina Fey's masterwork was duly rewarded.

* Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert deciding to give Ricky Gervais' Emmy to Steve Carell was brilliant as was his over-the-top reaction. Ricky would have been proud.

* It was cute the way Sally Field tried to go all 1970s and talk about issues in her acceptance speech. Also, it was cute the way the trigger-happy censors got freaked out and cut her off when I believe she started to say something about this "goddamn war." Oh Sally, people don't want to think about sad things when there are gowns to be admired and skeletally-thin women to be emulated.

* I liked the way presenters just abandoned pretenses and began bitching about how the stage was set up. Who ever designed that should be forced to watch "The Sopranos" musical number over and over and over again.

On the down side:
* Um, Ryan Seacrest. Why? WHY?

* Felicity Huffman's skeletor cleavage right there in the front row. Her clavicle nearly poked my eye out.

* This was followed in the after-event wrap-ups with some doofus on Yahoo telling the world that television audiences think that America Ferrerra is beautiful despite, you know, having had a sandwich at some point in her life.

* "The Sopranos" love-fest. Seriously, does David Chase have connections? Were they going to whack Kiefer Sutherland if Fox didn't snuggle with the mobsters? I mean, I know it's a good show, but really. I was waiting for Chase to come out from backstage zipping his pants and smoking a cigarette.

* And finally, I don't know who Katherine Heigl is because I don't watch "Grey's Anatomy," but she seemed like a really sweet girl what with the complaining about her mispronounced name and the "Shit!" when she won. It's nice to know that etiquette school is being taught in Navy shipyards these days.

Thus ends the rant.

It's nice to be blogging with you again, by the way! I was off on vacation last week, and I have come back refreshed and ready to exude nerdiness all over the place. You have been warned.