October Nerd Men of the Month: Bret McKenzie and Jemaine Clement aka Flight of the Conchords

This month's Nerd Man column is by regular contributor Ms. C.:

Again, we have a duo, but this duo is also a band. And chicks love guys in bands. The Flight of the Conchords is your new heart-on, Girl Nerds. Bret McKenzie and “Eagle vs. Shark’s” Jemaine Clement obviously do not take themselves too seriously and are willing to look and sound silly, just to delight you. They take unplugged folk music comedy to the next level, (Level II, I think that is) in their savvy HBO show where they play themselves, living in the Big Apple, singing original songs throughout each episode.

Here, Jemaine plays David Bowie appearing to his roommate, bandmate, and best friend Bret in a dream, after trying to help him gain some confidence.



Jemaine and Bret are both good-looking gents who have the ability to make the other one look more attractive. They are a handsome ping-pong game when they stand too close. And just when you thought you’ve seen how hot they can be, with dark hair, smoldering eyes, and guitars in hand, they open their mouths to sing and reveal sexy New Zealand (It’s not in Australia!) accents. The New Zealand (Land of Hobbits and Elves) accent combines the knee-weakening effects of the British timbre with the rebel-twist of an Australian articulation, making every girl nerd, no matter her type, want either Jemaine or Bret to just talk to her. Just…talk. But they’ll do more for you, baby. They’ll sing playful and dynamic comedy folk music, sometimes even rapping to Eminem’s shame. As Jemaine warns in "Hiphopopotamus vs. Rhymenoceros," his rhymes are so potent, he makes all the ladies in the area pregnant.

But that’s OK, because he sounds like he’d be a great boyfriend:

Nerd Men of the Month: Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart

Watching a particular pair of Emmy presenters the other night gave me a big ol' case of nerd love which is why, after counting the ballots in my head and in the heads of many other nerdy women without them even knowing it, I am thrilled to name Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart as The Park Bench's September Nerd Men of the Month.

Colbert gets the nod not only for his perfect, Cary Grant-like hair -- an achievement in and of itself -- but also because he's created an on-screen persona that is as perfectly crafted as anything Jack Benny or Will Rogers ever did. Pompous, dismissive and always hilarious, the Stephen Colbert of "The Colbert Report" is the perfect antidote to all of the equally ridiculous characters populating today's cable news channels. In an era that seems to have forgotten what real discourse is, it seems highly rational to fight lunacy with lunacy. He also wins the vote because of his brilliant White House Correspondent's Dinner performance a couple years back, being so subtly satiric it hurt...and made you worried he was either going to get audited into eternity or shivved in the parking lot by Margaret Spellings. He's nerdy enough to wield a lightsaber against George Lucas and even makes up his own words, like "truthiness," which pretty much sums up American politics these days. And finally, he gets the glittering, glamorous and yes, imaginary trophy because he has managed to mock the ubiquity of Lance Armstrong-inspired wrist bands with his great "WristStrong" creation while still raising money for returning U.S. troops, proving you can mock and be a nice guy all at the same time.

And we give the other half of this esteemed prize to Jon Stewart because without him there likely would be no "Daily Show," no Stephen Colbert (yes, Jon Stewart is like Colbert's TV womb), no Steve Carell, and most importantly, no "Big Daddy." No, wait, actually Adam Sandler probably still would've made that one without him -- damn it. We give this to Jon Stewart because he and his team present a show that's far more informative than most actual cable news programs, and because he's made politics interesting for millions of young Americans who now know when to be skeptical. He earns the big honor, too, because he and Colbert are two comedians who managed to get the mainstream press to treat them like real reporters and look like idiots in the process. Yes, that means you, Fox News. Besides, who doesn't love a guy who picks a fight with Tucker Carlson? I know I can't resist.

So thank you, Mr. Colbert and Mr. Stewart, for making us laugh when sometimes we just want to cry.