Monday, December 08, 2008

Please be quiet please...

"Mute is the new cute, Kiefer."

There are very few things in this world that truly aggravate me. Kiefer Sutherland would no doubt be pleased to know that he is one of them. Or rather, his voice is one of them. Now, just to clarify, Mr. Sutherland has a very pleasant speaking voice with a fine timbre to it and his pronunciation is just swell, too. There are no speech impediments and if "24" has proven anything, it's that the man knows how to pronounce "nuclear." So, really, what's my problem here?

My issue is this: when he is "acting," Kiefer Sutherland does one of two things with his voice: he either shouts -- which I call his outdoor voice -- or whispers in a very shouty way -- also known as his indoor voice. And a good 75 percent of the time, he uses those two options in completely the wrong setting.

Come January 11, I will be faced with a tough decision: do I watch "24" with my finger poised attentively over the volume button or do I just forego the aggravation and let Kiefer's voice carry on without me this year?

Can I really miss out, though, on all the fun the shouty voice offers me? Like wondering how the terrorists can't hear him 10 miles away let alone when he's hiding in a sewer pipe under their feet shouting hushed, top-secret instructions back to CTU? How dogs aren't instantly rendered mute by his decibels? How his lady friends' ears don't bleed when he "whispers" sweet nothings? How Chloe could stand getting all those text messages in ALL CAPS? How that cougar that tried to eat Kim wasn't frightened away simply by the sound of her genes?

Truthfully, as much as he aggravates me, I don't know if I can give up completely on Mr. Shouty Inappropriately Loud McShouty-Pants. The only solution might be to include cotton balls in the man-purse I carry in Jack's honor every Sunday night. Also drinking. And mocking. Softly. Quietly. With tonal variation.

How do you feel about the Kief?


7 comments:

crone51 said...

" frightened away by the sound of her genes". You just caused me to spew coffee all over the keyboard.

I gave up on 24 a couple of seasons ago. I like Keif just fine but I have a fairly low tolerance for weekly torture scenes. I did enjoy the first couple of seasons though. I guess my tolerance for torture was higher then or something.

Alyson said...

I think it's randomly hilarious that Kief is the voice of the Bank of America commercials. Cuz he's Canadian, dontcha know.

Kathe said...

oh I love him and 24. I almost gave up on it a couple seasons ago, but he's just too cute and the story lines are too ridiculous not to keep watching. I mean really...HOW BAD can one day be...very bad apparently. I'm looking forward to this season. I hope you watched that prequel last month. It was good and a bit of a departure from the normal series - well, except that it STILL had a time clock and I kind of love that. My husband makes my DVR the show as it causes him many heart palpitations so he can't watch it then go right to bed. :)
Yes, his voice is very lovely, and I wish he didn't have to shout so much then whisper-shout. Seeing the preview of this season I think we may get a little break. Kief too, I mean his vocal cords must be a mess after each season.

Sorry this was so long, I do adore him and the show. :)

TinyFrenchStudio said...

I've never seen 24, but if it's as bad as you say - give it up, girl! Only you can prevent bad acting. Well. The actors too, I guess. Though, sometimes, you wonder.

only a movie said...

Jack Bauer is the king of the whispery shouty voice. We are watching old seasons and I was just saying this the other day. We must be related.

I don't really care for Keifer. But Jack is sorta hot. It might just be the blonde thing.

Liz said...

I'm fine with Kief except for the shout/whisper thing. When he uses his normal tone -- like in those commercials (Bank of America outsourced!) -- he's fine, but that two-tone vocal thing on 24 just drives me insane.

Now let's talk about Donald Sutherland and his inability to pick an accent whenever he plays a foreign guy. :)

Kathe said...

You know, it's really too bad they didn't have Donald play Kief's Dad last season on 24. That would have been awesome. Though I will say James Cromwell was excellent!