30 Rock, How I Will Miss You

Since it was the debut of 30 Rock that first inspired this blog, it seems only right to post about its end. Before 30 Rock and Liz Lemon, I never knew there were other women out there like me, who loved Star Wars and ham, who often didn't know which part of the dress was "front" and who would much rather stay home and watch "Mad Men" than go to any weird parties where people talked to each other.   What a relief to discover I was not alone.

And then to find out that this show was not just a great piece of news for my self-esteem but also ridiculously inventive, brilliant and breathtakingly funny -- well, how fabulous was that?

I will admit with shame that I skipped a season or two somewhere during 30 Rock's run, when it seemed that the humor had become less clever and inventive and more cold and mean...and not funny. Which was kind of a deal breaker. Call me old fashioned but I like my humor funny.

So I've been quietly compiling this last season on my DVR, wondering if I should even jump back into the pool. But then the reviews for the finale started coming in and fueled by nostalgia, I got up at 5 a.m., put on my earphones and watched it in the bathroom where my sleeping son wouldn't sense me playing with what he has clearly decided is his iPhone. (This is how I watch TV now. It takes me six days to watch a whole Castle between brushing my teeth and flossing.)

All of this is my long, out of practice way of saying the 30 Rock finale was perfect in every way imaginable. There was a Brian Williams joke. Great Tracy Jordan jokes. Pitch perfect satirical tear-down of mommy message boards. Lutz finally got his revenge (Blimpies!), Kenneth proved his immortality and even Jenna was funny, as she finally experienced heartbreak with the removal of her dressing room mirror. But best of all, there was my dear Jack Donaghy's shipboard confession of platonic love -- a speech that managed to be poetic, beautiful, charming and still include the phrase "scale bone mountain." Everything I had loved about 30 Rock was perfectly encapsulated in that one short scene.

I will miss you, 30 Rock. But I promise you this -- I will use the word "hogcock" in a sentence (out loud and not just in my head) at least once this year. It's the least I can do for a show that gave me so much.

Wednesday Odds & Ends: Jack Ryan, Toy Story 3, Star Wars meets 30 Rock and a cute slow loris

+ Captain Kirk 2.0 himself is apparently in talks to revamp another classic character. Yep, Chris Pine may take on the role of Tom Clancy's CIA analyst Jack Ryan, previously played with saucy aplomb by Alec Baldwin and Harrison Ford. I know I'd tune in.

+ Pixar has released their trailer for "Toy Story 3" which is due out in theaters next June. I will admit I got a bit nostalgic seeing Buzz and Woody again. Here it is for your viewing pleasure, via Cinemablend. You also can see it in HD over at the Apple site.



+ Gandalf aka Ian McKellen got chatty recently with Empire Magazine, sharing details on the upcoming "Hobbit" film as well as a few nuggets on "X-Men."

+ The creator of "Gilmore Girls," Amy Sherman-Palladino, has a new deal with HBO to do a series about "three adult sisters, all writers sharing the same upper east side apartment building, and their mother, a domineering literary lioness who reserves most of her affections for their ne'er-do-well brother." It sounds a bit like a modern Bronte family. Given how much love was shown for literature and the written word on "Gilmore Girls," this is a series I'll definitely try.

+ This list of the Top 10 Funniest "X-Files" Episodes had me digging through my DVD collection yesterday. I have to say, though, I'm shocked "War of the Coprophages" didn't make the list.

+ If you're feeling in the encylopedic mood and want to celebrate the return of Liz Lemon tomorrow night, check out TheForce.Net's list of each and every "Star Wars" reference in "30 Rock." I knew there were a lot but wow, that list is long!

+ And finally, here's a video that amused me greatly yesterday: a creature called a slow loris getting tickled and scratched...and loving every second of it. No, it doesn't take a lot to entertain me.

Odds and Ends: New Moon, Rifftrax, bobbleheads and The Prisoner

+ Robert Pattinson's gotten his pale on again, and he's showing it off for all the world to see in the new trailer for "The Twilight Saga: New Moon." And now I have Duran Duran's "New Moon on Monday" stuck in my head. I'm okay with that.



+ Speaking of awesome movie-type awesomeness, did you know that internet web singing sensation Jonathan Coulton and that other internet web singing sensation with two people in it called Paul and Storm did their own Rifftrax skewering of "Tron?" It is indeed true. The world is a beautiful place when the man responsible for "Skullcrusher Mountain" can make fun of Bruce Boxleitner for my entertainment.

+ When your grandma's birthday comes around this year, forget those tired old Hallmarks with that cranky old lady character spouting grizzled funnies on the cover. Instead, give your grandma what she really wants -- a thoughtful message from a Cylon or sentimental Tracy Jordan malapropism. Yes, you can now get "Battlestar Galactica" and "30 Rock" greeting cards. Could this be NBC's way of making up for "I'm a Celebrity...Get Me Out of Here?"

+ Need a cool gift to go with that naked Jamie Bamber greeting card? NBC is now selling "The Office" bobbleheads of characters who are not Dwight. I am in desperate need of a Creed or a Meredith myself.



+ This new preview of AMC's mini-series remake of "The Prisoner" barely lasts longer than a sneeze, but it's kind of cool to see Ian McKellan acting enigmatic. I'm starting to think this could be a very good production.

Odds and Ends

It's a short Odds and Ends today owing to a vertigo-inducing sinus headache. The couch beckons...

+ Catch the first of the "Battlestar" webisodes three days early, this Friday at noon on the Sci-Fi Channel website. You also can check out the totally amusing 13-minute recap of the entire series here. You may have seen the first eight minutes a while back but it features five minutes of new stuff.

+ Here's a preview of the "30 Rock" Christmas episode. Hearing Alec Baldwin utter the words, "...bet on monkey wrestling..." is gift enough for me:

New "30 Rock" up on Hulu

Run, do not walk, to Hulu right now and watch the season premiere of "30 Rock,". It's up a week early and it's like a gift that Santa and Jesus would go in on together if they really, really liked you. I do not care if you are guiding in a jumbo jet with nothing but really bright candles at this very moment or are performing double brain surgery. Nothing is more important than watching this episode. It is hilarious. Gone are the memories of last season's so-so outings. This is everything that is good and great about "30 Rock." I don't want to spoil the plot for you or anything about it. I will simply say, there is nothing not to love about Alec Baldwin uttering the words, "She touched me in my swim suit area."

I missed you, Liz Lemon, and all your crazy friends.

Friday Nerd News

* Next to a pony or Joss Whedon or a pick-up truck full of gold, this is what I would want to see most in my front yard:


Yup, it's a 21-foot-long X-Wing...that actually flies. They strapped a four rockets onto the back of it and are going to shoot it off and hope it lands in one piece. If not, Frank Oz has promised to come out, shove a Yoda puppet onto his left hand and mentally will the thing out of whatever Dagobah swamp it lands in.

* Speaking of real life space adventures, there's this rather nifty interview with Sir Arthur C. Clarke on the 50th anniversary of Sputnik and the future of space travel. Sadly, the first thing I thought when I saw the article was, "Sir Arthur Conan Doyle is still alive?" D'oh! My nerd card is totally going to get revoked.

* Word on the street is J.J. Abrams will be producing a new show for ABC. I don't know how to break this to you, but it's, uh, about a notary public. If they add the words "on a mysterious island in space with spies and Victor Garber" after "notary public," I might watch. Maybe. Possibly. Probably not.

* I swear I will stop talking so much about "30 Rock" soon, but I've got to just one more tidbit that's making me shiver with glee: my political boyfriend and soon-to-be Nobel Prize winner Al Gore is going to be guest starring on a future episode. I can't get cancer from snuggling with my TV, can I?

* And finally, did you know that Wikipedia has an entry for "nerd girl"? Neither did I! Apparently, we're "a stock character of late-20th and 21st-century fiction." (That punctuation is their fault, by the way.) Also, we have the following characteristics:

- often wears eyeglasses, which typically have large lenses and thick frames - in comics, particularly, this is an easy shorthand way of indicating that a character is a Nerd Girl. [Also, arrows and small labels reading "Nerd Girl" are effective.]

- dresses unfashionably, not as a statement but because she doesn't care about fashion. Typically her clothes will be loose and comfortable; they may be somewhat "young" for her. This should not be confused with dressing in alternative or eclectic fashions such as indie, goth, or bohemian, although in recent years, some nerd girls (especially self-styled), have begun doing so in an attempt to generate a more interesting outward image. [Okay, sure, why not?]

- wears her hair in unfashionable styles (such as a ponytail or pigtails; while male nerds have messy hair or flattops, sometimes with hair gel)[You know, maybe some of us just have arms that are too short to effectively blow dry the back of our hair. I'm just saying...]

- is obviously intelligent [Duh.]

- is fascinated by some area of knowledge, usually cultural, liberal arts and humanities as opposed to science and tech-related fields of the male nerds.

- is not popular [Hey, I have plenty of friends. Sure, they're online but still...]

- is not considered conventionally attractive (exception: male nerds)[Why, I oughtta...!!!!]

- is shy and may be somewhat socially inept in groups [I've always thought my social anxiety disorder gives me character.]

- uninterested in and unskilled at sports (distinguishing her from the tomboy) [Much the way a porpoise is distinguished from a dolphin or a Mary Kate is distinguished from an Ashley]

Despite all these negatives, we're also known to be "kind and good-hearted, passionate about causes, feminist or post-feminist, possessed of good one-on-one interpersonal skills, aware of our own emotional states and, yes, small in stature.

And there it is. If you could all try to conform to these traits, it would be much appreciated. We have to stick together because it's the only way we'll become cultural stereotypes. After that, the world will be our oysters, and I'm fairly sure we can become archetypes. And you know what that means? The ghost of Joseph Campbell will LOVE US FOREVER!

Liz Lemon's Top Nerd-tastically Nerdy Moments

In celebration of the return of "30 Rock," here's a look at some of Liz Lemon's best nerd-defining moments:

"I'm going to gut you like a tauntaun!"
Liz Lemon loves her "Star Wars" and she's not ashamed to flaunt it! She smacks down Jenna every time she mistakes a certain "trekking of the stars" for "Star Wars," and she's not afraid to threaten Kenneth with a good tauntaun-style gutting when he won't reveal Tracy's whereabouts in "Hiatus." And best of all, she compares her fear of meetings with Jack to Captain Needa's fear of, well, getting dead with Darth Vader:



"Those shoes are definitely bi-curious."
Who among us hasn't been mistaken for a lesbian at least once? Jack Doneghy falls for the old stereotype that frumpily-dressed women are gay, which, as a side note, is a total disservice to the multitude of hot, well-dressed lesbians out there. Judging Liz by the bi-curious look of her shoes, he sets her up on a blind date with a gay woman. For any nerdy woman who has ever had to explain that wearing flats doesn't necessarily mean they eschew the dudes, this was pure gold.

"Are they still in there?"
Every once in a while, a comfortably dressed nerdy woman gets to don the glamorous duds. Liz gets that chance in "Black Tie," accompanying Jack to one of the social events of the season. Liz's gown and her ongoing reactions to it account for at least half the laughs in this brilliant episode. From putting the dress on backwards to wearing a polar fleece over it ("I didn't know I'd be going out...") to making a walk down a staircase look like a tense high-wire act ("Careful, careful...") to forgetting about her plunging neckline, doing a happy dance and immediately worrying that the girls had flown out, she's living every nerdy woman's anxiety-filled dream of dressing up pretty. Of course, she ultimately loses that dress by taunting a crazy, bottle-wielding Isabella Rossellini. Just like prom!



Everybody loves Gopher!
You know how when you meet a good looking guy, you lose all ability for coherent, rational thought? Yup. In "Fireworks," Liz pretends to be an alcoholic in order to get close to her NBC crush, Floyd. In order to even the score after Floyd learns the truth behind her tall tale, Liz admits to all of her own deepest, darkest secrets. And, well, there are some things you just don't want to know about your favorite fictional characters:



Making flannel sexy
In "Corporate Crush," Liz shows how nerdy women can bring the sexy back -- by dancing in flannel pajamas, waving around a used Kleenex and seductively bending over to turn on...the humidifier. We knew Floyd was a keeper when he found that sad display just as endearing as we did.

The nerdy woman's perfect date
Liz nearly found true love with Floyd, a man who knew just how to please a nerdy woman -- with card games and by mocking bad movies. Ah, Floyd, with your love of the flannel sexy dance, you were one of the good guys. Fictional Cleveland is lucky to have you.



"Yeah, suck it, I do read the paper!"
Here's a tip: hell hath no fury like a nerdy woman scorned. When one of her writers, Josh, tries to negotiate a huge salary increase and ends up humiliating Liz in the process, well, she gets her revenge -- by making him do The Worm, among other cruelties.

Nerdy news bits

* I totally missed this, but there was a nifty article on Tina Fey and "30 Rock" in Sunday's New York Times. I guess I should spend more time reading and less time making pancakes on Sundays. I'm missing a lot of good stuff!

* Speaking of good reading, another previously unknown novel by Irene Nemirovsky, the tragically-fated author of Suite Francaise, is arriving on American book shelves soon. This article includes an excerpt. I thought Suite Francaise was wonderful, so I'm very much looking forward to this.

* Also, apparently there was some sort of video game released last night. Something like Holo or Helo.....

Wait, a show I like actually won?

Wow, was that the worst Emmy broadcast you've ever seen or what? I mean, I knew it would be bad what with Ryan Seacrest on hand and no Simon to beat him down with his chesticular awesomeness, but who knew it would just be a weird, uneven, unfunny, draggy train wreck?

First, I'll list a few good things because as my grandmother always said, if you can't say something nice about an overinflated, self-congratulatory Hollywood awards show, don't say anything. So here are some highlights:

* The Park Bench's TV mascot "30 Rock" won for best comedy, which was unexpectedly great. Considering the entire broadcast was a "Sopranos" love-fest, I was half-expecting it to take that award too but no, cooler heads prevailed and Tina Fey's masterwork was duly rewarded.

* Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert deciding to give Ricky Gervais' Emmy to Steve Carell was brilliant as was his over-the-top reaction. Ricky would have been proud.

* It was cute the way Sally Field tried to go all 1970s and talk about issues in her acceptance speech. Also, it was cute the way the trigger-happy censors got freaked out and cut her off when I believe she started to say something about this "goddamn war." Oh Sally, people don't want to think about sad things when there are gowns to be admired and skeletally-thin women to be emulated.

* I liked the way presenters just abandoned pretenses and began bitching about how the stage was set up. Who ever designed that should be forced to watch "The Sopranos" musical number over and over and over again.

On the down side:
* Um, Ryan Seacrest. Why? WHY?

* Felicity Huffman's skeletor cleavage right there in the front row. Her clavicle nearly poked my eye out.

* This was followed in the after-event wrap-ups with some doofus on Yahoo telling the world that television audiences think that America Ferrerra is beautiful despite, you know, having had a sandwich at some point in her life.

* "The Sopranos" love-fest. Seriously, does David Chase have connections? Were they going to whack Kiefer Sutherland if Fox didn't snuggle with the mobsters? I mean, I know it's a good show, but really. I was waiting for Chase to come out from backstage zipping his pants and smoking a cigarette.

* And finally, I don't know who Katherine Heigl is because I don't watch "Grey's Anatomy," but she seemed like a really sweet girl what with the complaining about her mispronounced name and the "Shit!" when she won. It's nice to know that etiquette school is being taught in Navy shipyards these days.

Thus ends the rant.

It's nice to be blogging with you again, by the way! I was off on vacation last week, and I have come back refreshed and ready to exude nerdiness all over the place. You have been warned.

We don't talk about Liz Lemon like that around these parts

I've got a bone to pick with a Miss Sarah Seltzer and it's in the shape of Tina Fey. In the most recent issue of Bitch Magazine, Seltzer wrote an essay on "30 Rock" called "Sour Lemon" which argues "...Fey should be a feminist role model. So why does she still trade in on sexist stereotypes at the expense of herself -- and smart girls everywhere?" Later she adds, "And if the sexist jokes are a way for the smart, attractive, and powerful Fey to make herself less threatening, then that's not very funny at all."

Please give me a moment while I take off my apron, hand my husband his slippers and say, "What the fuck are you talking about, woman?" For one thing, putting aside the character of Liz Lemon, Tina Fey should not only be considered a feminist role model, she should be given her own burning bra trophy with a built-in eternal flame. She has succeeded in a field that is extraordinarily male. Most funny women who make it succeed as performers. Fey made it as a writer and eventually became the first female head writer in Saturday Night Live history, which is the gender equivalent of a woman becoming the pope. Then she went on to write Mean Girls, a film with a core message that says it's good to tell the popular girls to piss off and it's good for young women to be smart. And finally, she has created an Emmy-nominated sitcom in which a woman, Liz Lemon, heads her own successful show, called, of all things, The Girlie Show. How much more frickin' feminist street cred do we need to give this woman, for Betty Friedan's sake?

Seltzer complains that Liz Lemon is not strong enough and is only painted in stereotypical strokes. Okay, but the thing is, comedy traditionally, you know, plays with and subverts stereotypes, rendering those stereotypes weak by making them the object of derision. It's a little something-something called satire. It's what funny people do. Seltzer has issue in particular with an episode called "The C-word" in which Lemon gets called a naughty word by one of her subordinates. "After an angry speech and subsequent collapse in exhaustion," Seltzer writes, "the message has been hammered home: women can't handle authority."

Oh man, this woman's lucky I'm too busy earning 60 cents on the dollar and being subjugated to get too riled up, but I'm still getting cranky here. My problem with her argument is this: the academically feminist version of a strong woman is not realistic. It's academic, which is fine when it's all about publishing papers. Why do all "feminist" chickies have to be Cagney and Lacey-tough? Seriously. One day Hillary Clinton might be leader of the free world. You don't think she felt flustered when Edwards made that crack about her jacket last week? Simone de Beauvoir was all feminist, but you don't think she got a little self conscious when Sartre called her fat? And when Condi Rice gets those crank calls from Rumsfeld in the middle of the night, you don't think she gets insecure?

My point is, why do strong women have to be portrayed as, well, tight-assed men to be taken seriously? The reason Liz Lemon is appealing to women is because in spite of her insecurity and vulnerability, she always gets the job done. She's the one that solves the problems and not because she's some sort of symbolic mother, narratively compelled to rescue and nurture everyone. She does it because it's her job and she's good at it. I'm tired of people writing women either as girly know-nothings or substitute men or angry bitches or any other two-dimensional variation that requires no thought. I want a character who's true to life, someone like the women I know, women who are goofy and silly and who worry but who are still brilliant and strong and really, really good at whatever they choose to do, whether it's write comedy or have a family or ride magical ponies.

So keep your Gloria Steinams and your academic stiffs. I'd rather have Liz Lemon's relateable and highly entertaining craziness any day of the week.

There's joy in Nerdland today

Not only does 30 Rock return to NBC tonight with a new episode featuring Will Arnett, word also came yesterday that the show has been renewed, meaning our beloved Honorary Chairnerd Tina Fey will be gainfully employed and safe from having to peddle jokes on America's rough-and-tumble streetcorners for at least another year.

News that matters...very little at all

* Anna Nicole Smith still dead, not yet craving human brains.

* MSNBC shocked -- shocked, I tell you! -- that people who aren't white can be hot.

* In Indiana, karma evicts, prepares to smite crazy, thin sorority girls. Ann Coulter set to pledge next week.

* New William Carlos Williams poem discovered. Millions of English majors make jokes about grocery lists and cold fruit in hopes that someone will catch reference, give social approval.

* Creators of Geico cavemen to make even more money annoying the fuck out of me.

* This last item is actually important: 30 Rock will return from its scheduled hiatus earlier than expected, moving to 9 p.m. starting Thursday, April 5.