Dating and the Single Girl Nerd: First Dates

From contributor Ms. C:

One thing our lovely already-coupled friends like is to remind us of is how great it's going to be to have that "first kiss" again. In the hunt for that "first kiss" we have to do things like go on dates, or, even before that, meet someone. All of a sudden, this got so complicated!

Fret not, there are several ways in which to meet a nerdy fellow. There's online dating like gk2gk.com, a dating website for geeks where nerdy women get the choice of their personal cup of Earl Grey. Do you take your geek with "Star Wars," Ren Faire or Manga? Eschewing online tete-a-tetes, you could meet guys at bookstores, coffee shops, or costume parties and woo them with your uncanny imitation of Patrick Stewart or your extensive knowledge of all the James Bond movies. You could also try the old-fashioned way of dating: macking on your friends. There's also the workplace, but I don't recommend this one. You need at least one place you can still go without worrying about how you look, right?

Don't be discouraged if you go an entire year without racking up "50 First Dates" like Drew Barrymore. As the brainier version of those with Nerve, we Girl Nerds tend to wait a little longer till we're met with quality. For the average Single Girl Nerd, a year of looking for that "first kiss" will tend to yield about 5 First Dates which will likely include:

+ The blind date with the "sweet, sensitive guy who also rides a hog" whom your married friends think you'll like. Blind dates should always be accepted with a hearty YES. They have the advantage of no expectations and no ties should one need to run, fast and far.

+ The sneak-double-date with that recently-single friend in the Styx-inspired band. You'll have a nice dinner with friends and then see a Simon Pegg movie, all the while never letting your date suspect he's actually ON a date. You are that good, you sly Single Girl Nerd.

+ The party date. Though not strictly a traditional date situation, this counts. Be sure to try all your "lines" (don't forget to pack the Superman joke, the Anais Nin mention, and the "Reaper" quotation!) on tall, skinny guys wearing glasses.

+ The cooking date. Cook something simple -- and easy on the garlic and onions -- for that adorable web-designer with the comics collection. It won't hurt either to pour healthy glasses of wine while trying to make your way into a gent's heart through his stomach.

+ The Grown-Up Date. You will put on a skirt and heels! He will take you to an upscale restaurant that requires reservations and he'll order for you! There will be no cheese-fries, "hanging out," or catching a cup of coffee while paying Dutch. This will set a new bar for dating and you deserve it!

With these, and hopefully more, you'll be ready to start trying for Second Dates. Not even Drew got that far!

The tell-tale signs

You Know You're a Girl Nerd When...

* You find Dwight Schrute attractive but know enough not to tell anyone.

* You get vertigo wearing three-inch heels. You take the shoes off and give them to someone you hate.

* You DVR the Scripps Spelling Bee...and spend weeks memorizing all the words in case someday they create an adult spelling bee which you will enter and ultimately conquer.

* You know that the string theory has nothing to do with kittens.

* You’re not shocked at all when scientists discover a genetic link between nerdiness and Anglophilia. You wave your Union Jack in celebration.

* You know what an Eames chair is and you would sell your sister to own one.

* You have opinions on fonts.

* You watch Monty Python and the Holy Grail and laugh before each joke.

* You know that George Washington did not fight in the Civil War.

* You may have lit a Barbie on fire. Once. Or twice.

Wednesday News Wrap-Up

* According to The Washington Post, good penmanship is officially dead. Somewhere John Hancock cries and gives America's first-grade teachers the finger.

* USA Today claims that teenage girls stopped making Grey's Anatomy video montages long enough to watch Barack Obama videos and elect him president of YouTube Land. The story also chronicles how fellow presidential hopeful Dennis Kucinich seems to accidentally be creating his own brigade of Squeaky Frommes:

Kucinich has been particularly active. On March 16, he took the unusual step of responding to a video from James Kotecki, a vlogger that goes by the name "EmergencyCheese." Kotecki had called for interaction from the candidates with the YouTube community. Kucinich's response then prompted Kotecki to post a video praising the candidate for his bold step. He also dances while chanting: "Gotta response from Kucinich."

* Saucy science nerd Al Gore is on Capital Hill today showing off his Oscar and encouraging congressmen to accept the fact that driving Hummers will NOT make up for their physical shortcomings.

* Long-time girl nerd hearthrob David Duchovny is returning to television with a new Showtime comedy series. He plays a novelist with a penchant for self-destructive behavior. Two words: action figure!

* And finally, The Chicago Tribune has been doing their own tournament of sorts for TV characters. It's down to the Final Four: Jack Bauer (24) vs. Jack Donaghy (30 Rock) and Starbuck (Battlestar Galactica) vs. Dr. Greg House (House). I wish these were spin-off ideas. I would love to see Jack Donaghy take down Jack Bauer.

Ninjas. Seriously.

First, you know I'm a nerd because I watch G4. Second, you know I'm a nerd because I spent four hours yesterday watching a show called Ninja Warriors on G4. The show features a whole bunch of really buff Japanese men (and maybe two girls) trying to make it through a ridiculously hard obstacle course. According to the G4 website, 1,400 people have attempted to make it through the first stage and only 200 have been successful.

Here's a minute-long sampling:



I really think we should do the Olympics this way. Wouldn't gymnastics be cooler if flames shot up into the air after a spectacular vault or if ribbon dancers were flung into pools of muddy water if they messed up? The answer, of course, is yes.

The new season of Ninja Warrior starts tomorrow night at 6:30 EST. I encourage you to watch it. G4 will send you a free Ninja Warrior crack pipe when you tune in -- THAT's how addictive it is.

The Girl Nerd Call To Action

For too long, the girl nerds of the world have been ignored and dismissed. We have been shunned and cast aside. We have been mistaken for geeks, a term which seems to indicate some sort of technological dexterity which you and I both know is completely not us. We have been mistaken, too, for losers, which we are not although secretly we lack the confidence to believe that with 100 percent certainty.

That time has passed. Today marks the dawn of a new era. No longer will we stand silently on the sidelines. It is time to unite -- and stand silently on the sidelines together.

From East Coast to West Coast, from Canada to South America, from the U.K. to the country just east of Russian that no one can really spell, from Japan to that island where Lost is filmed -- all across the globe, girl nerds should take this moment to embrace their girl nerdness and shout to the heavens, "Yes, I know the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek, and I am proud!"

We at The Park Bench hope you will join us in celebrating the girl nerd way of life and all the sedentary joy it entails.

Now go read a book or something.