Monday, April 02, 2007

Dating for the Single Girl Nerd: The Perks

In part II of the divine Ms. C's ongoing series, Dating for the Single Girl Nerd, she looks at just a few of the many perks to be found in the single lifestyle:

Back in Le Olde Dayes, it seemed the men grew on trees and fell, like ripe apples, into our yards, some perfectly delicious, but most rotten and mealy. Or, all one needed do was to enroll in Women's Studies and sit next to the only male in the room, sure to be the hottest, and obviously, most savvy coed of them all.

But in the grown-up, adult world, outside the confines of studentry or retail, finding the elusive Mr. Goodbar becomes sickeningly all too cliche.

This is where, dear Single Girl Nerd, we absolutely must recount why we are the lucky ones. And, indeed, do not doubt that we are for there are quite a few perks for the Single Girl Nerd: from gleefully giggling openly at those clenching Spartan buttocks in "300" to hearing envious suburban friends sighing over your weekdays chock full of meeting friends after work, getting a massage, or seeing a movie; not to mention the freedom of your weekends! Wide open for any invitation! Any at all! Please!

Feel free to flirt shamelessly with that ex-boyfriend two states away, that saucy Brit John Oliver from The Daily Show, or that bartender seriously out of your league -- all without any guilt or recrimination. Oh, and if you have a one-night stand, it's only between you and your best friend who will mock you for years, but in a good way.

Don't forget to thoroughly enjoy the fact that your choices are entirely your own. Those Muppet-like carpets that cover your bedroom floor, that shiny new purse made of recycled pulp novel covers, that dinner of tater tots and light beer while watching the Discovery Channel: all yours with no one to negotiate with, compromise with, or convince. And though you might sleep alone most nights, it's sweet comfort to know that those two pillows you spoon with NEVER snore or kick or get up to go IM someone.

And you get to spend money on YOU. As a Single Girl Nerd uninterested in Ugg boots or cocaine, you have more money to spend on vacations learning how to surf in Puerto Rico or finally mastering French and visiting Paris. Or save your money and stay home with "Baldur's Gate." It's alright, either way, because there's no one to hold you back from, or remind you that you haven't, quite achieved all your goals yet.

I could go on and on, but I'll leave you with this. Remember that you are very lucky, Single Girl Nerd! You have in your hands a freedom no coupled friends enjoy. Do yourself a favor today and remind one of them. When Jena and Mike are tickling each other in front of you, take that opportunity to remind them of all your blessed independence and freedom and milk it like a big fat cow.


Lauren said...

Hear! Hear! I am totally a Single Girl Nerd and relish my freedom. Let the couples condemn me for they do not know the pleasures of the sweet alonetime they miss... I am baffled by how much people define me by singlehood. It sucks because I'm essentially fine being single but all the condemnation makes me feel insecure.

Anonymous said...

...or as David Spade's character once said: "Excuse me. I have to go now and do whatever I want...all the time!"

L-D's D

Anonymous said...

It all sounds very good, and I've made all these same arguments, but, in truth I'm sometimes lonely. Have actually gone so far as to put my profile up on Geek 2 Geek. Will keep you informed as to what happens.