Thursday, January 22, 2009

Dirk Benedict, critic philosopher...and big fan of the cigar

Looking for a little light reading by a crazy man? Then please, put your feet up, grab a cup of coffee and read this delightful trope by Dirk Benedict in which he waxes nonsensical about how lousy the re-imagined "Battlestar Galactica" is compared to its velour-riddled predecessor. It's apparently been around for a while but yesterday was the first I've ever heard of it. Seriously, the guy is crazy. I can understand if he doesn't like the show, but really, it's the reasons he gives that really makes this thing art. Here he is talking about the transformation of Starbuck into a female character. FYI, he's very into his cigars:

The best minds in the world of un-imagination doubled their intake of Double Soy Latte’s as they gathered in their smoke-free offices to curse the day that this chauvinistic Viper Pilot was allowed to be. But never under-estimate the power of the un-imaginative mind when it encounters an obstacle (character) it subconsciously loathes. ”Re-inspiration” struck. Starbuck would go the way of most men in today’s society. Starbuck would become “Stardoe.” What the Suits of yesteryear had been incapable of doing to Starbuck 25 years ago was accomplished quicker than you can say orchiectomy. Much quicker, as in, “Frak! Gonads Gone!”

And the word went out to all the Suits in all the smoke-free offices throughout the land of Un-imagination, “Starbuck is dead. Long live Stardoe!”

I’m not sure if a cigar in the mouth of Stardoe resonates in the same way it did in the mouth of Starbuck. Perhaps. Perhaps it “resonates” more. Perhaps that’s the point. I’m not sure. What I am sure of is this…

Women are from Venus. Men are from Mars. Hamlet does not scan as Hamletta. Nor does Hans Solo as Hans Sally. Faceman is not the same as Facewoman. Nor does a Stardoe a Starbuck make. Men hand out cigars. Women “hand out” babies. And thus the world for thousands of years has gone’ round.

Benedict's been bitching about BSG for years but this stuff is just hilarious. I may save this one for those rainy days when I need a good laugh.

8 comments:

Kathe said...

OMG - a friend of mine just passed this...this...missive to me earlier today. I had always been a huge fan of the first Starbuck and lord knows I loved me some Faceman. I read his book - Confessions of a Kamikazee Cowboy - which detailed his battle with cancer in the 80's and how he believes he cured it thru a macrobiotic diet...ok, so apparently he's been on the other side of sane for a while - but I really liked the book and thought he was brave, etc., blah blah blah. Now my tween and teenage memories of my beloved Starbuck and Faceman have been shattered. What a douchebag. I think the macrobiotics scrambled his brain!

onepinkshoe said...

I remember reading this and thinking it was ridiculously misogynistic. I love the first comment though, "Dirk, buddy, no offense, but the orginial Battlestar sucked on toast." So true. It's kind of sad that this guy feels so threatened by progress.

crone51 said...

That is fraking hilarious. I love it.

He is kinda..well....nuts. And not really in a good way.

heh...word verification " mentio". He's that too.

michelle said...

The funniest thing about this is that he's on one of the early new BSG DVDs sitting down with Katie and talking about she'll do great in the role. I guess as long as they were paying him, he'd say nice things...

Shan said...

That is just insane. I remember reading his ramblings earlier, and thinking "what an asshat." Why not be gracious about it, like Richard Hatch? Hatch was even trying to get another version of BSG launched for a long time, as a "continuation" of the original series. And he had some ruffled feathers about Sci-Fi funding the reimagining, but kept an open mind to sit down with RDM and crew, and embraced it.
Dude, get over yourself. Kara Thrace would fly, fight and frak you within in an inch of your life.

Jen Anderson said...

Women hand out babies?!

I can't believe I had a childhood crush on that d-bag.

boudiceaborn said...

There's no real way to translate the end of that piece. He thinks women shouldn't be acting if they want to play roles other than 'hot babe on Dirk's arm.'

Such a wingnut! He wrote this after the miniseries came out, and now he thinks it's relevant enough to repost everywhere during the final episodes? At this point, Sackhoff has played Starbuck for 5 years, which is 4 more than him. She's 10 times the actor he is, 10 times the flirty daredevil, and has the advantage of being in a good show that actually has a point. Sorry Dirk, you lost. Find something else to do with your time...

The World is a Playground said...

If I remember correctly he had written this before the mini series aired. At the time he was on board with Hatch trying to sell the networks a "20 years after" version of the original show. Then Scifi picked up the miniseries and he lost any chance that he had to sell his show idea. He spent a lot of time bitching about the new series, and I think in the end he wound up collaborating on a few episodes.