Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Point/Counterpoint: Star Wars
Never ones to shy away from life’s hard issues, fellow Park Bencher Ms. C and I have tackled one of the most divisive, difficult questions known in all of girl nerddom: who’s better – Luke Skywalker or Han Solo? Feel free to chime in with your own thoughts in the comments section after reading our spirited debate below, moderated by the spirit of Brit Hume:
Ms. C: Luke's the HERO. He saves everybody! Sure, he needs Han's help, but what real man doesn't accept a friend's help when saving the world from evil?
Liz: Yes, but Luke never would have blown up the Death Star in Episode Four without Han coming in at the last minute to save him. Ergo, without Han, the Empire would have incinerated Luke and all the other rebels. Plus, let's face it, Han wore better clothes and probably didn't smell like toasted Jawas.
Ms. C: Luke has vitality and a youthful exuberance that counteracts Han's cynical selfishness. Plus, Luke has blond hair and we all know, it's a scientific fact, that blonds have more fun. I read that once. Also, Luke isn't spoiled by years of illegal dealings, and if we're going to start name-calling about smells, how 'bout the fact that Luke didn't have the lingering odor of wet wookiee?
Liz: If by "cynical selfishness" you mean "unbridled hotness," then I agree totally. And while I concur that, in general, blonds do have more fun, Luke almost single-handedly tanks that theory by accidentally making out with his own sister after his encounter with the Wampa monster on Hoth in Episode 5. Oh, wait -- and who saved him from the Wampa? *cough*Han AGAIN*cough*. As for the wet wookiee, I’ll have you know that Chewbacca smells like Herbal Essences.
Ms. C: I would hardly call that peck on the lips "making out." But I digress; sure, Luke lacks the eroticism of the "bad boy," the rebel, the savvy ne'er-do-well, but need I remind you that without Luke's strategy, confidence, and sexy skill with the light saber, Han would still be a giant licorice popsicle decorating Jabba's den?
Liz: Alright, you got me with the rescue from Jabba's lair. Luke did a good job there for once, but frankly, Han may not have been in that awkward position if he'd just gone back to Tatooine with his reward money and paid off Jabba instead of sticking around to save Luke at the end of Episode Four. Also, Han saved the ark from all those Nazis.
Ms. C: Luke has the Force!
Liz: Han never did Cinemax porn.
And with that, we shake hands and call it a draw. Then the spirit of Brit Hume gives us post-debate rub-downs, and we have cocoa.