Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Monsters ahoy!

I have not been abducted by aliens or turned into Soylent Green. This is just the time of year at work when I get overwhelmed and spend most of the day huddled under my desk weeping softly. If I had been abducted by aliens, though, it would be been the perfect segue into today’s riveting subject matter:

In honor of Halloween, which scary monster would you most like to be…if, you know, you were forced to enlist in the scary monster corps?

I’ve been thinking about this deeply between bouts of insomnia and binge drinking the last few days, and I’ve come to a few conclusions.

On the surface of it, being a ghost seems like a good bet because a) you can walk through walls b) wearing a sheet means the elimination of fashion dilemmas c) you’re in good company with the likes of Casper and d) you have a pretty good chance of being on “Ghost Hunters.” But I don’t know, ghosts just seem so commonplace. The whole thing’s a bit of a yawner.

So maybe a vampire? There’s good mojo with the whole “Buffy”/”Angel” mythos. Who wouldn’t want to be a member of Spike’s club? And there’s history what with Dracula although being associated with a guy named Vlad the Impaler kind of puts a damper on new friendships. Also, blood sans vodka, ice and a stalk of celery seems like a pretty disgusting beverage.

Wolfwoman perhaps? I’d never get any baying or howling done with all that shaving and waxing.

Frankenstein monster? Detachable parts seem dangerous. Also, a square head would NOT flatter my body shape.

Which leads me to zombie. I’d definitely get a lot of walking done with all the shambling about and wreaking of havoc. On the other hand, cardio’s probably not so important with the undead. Also, I’d worry about mad cow disease with the all-brain diet. Still, though, you can’t deny that the market is hot for zombies. There’s books, movies, voodoo, Rob Zombie – the list goes on. Plus, the inarticulate groaning means never having to worry about mispronouncing a word I’ve only ever read on the page. Buh-bye awkward linguistic embarrassment, hello “aaarghgrrrr brains.”

My final verdict? Zombie all the way.

What kind of monster would you be?


emily said...

Well, I have dreadlocks so - with the help of a few dozen rubber snake heads - I've been seriously considering dressing up as Medusa. My 14yo sister is going to be a vampire (thank you, Twilight)

Bakerloo said...

I would like to be a poltergeist so I could move bug my sister by always moving her keys.

Marie said...

a monster with frizzy red hair.
maybe the bride of frankenstein.

RedCochina said...

I've gone as a ghoul before...white renaissance-y dress, white face with blood dripping down my chin. My little sister didn't recognize me and started crying. I felt a little bad...just a little.

This year I'm seven months pregnant so I'm going as chubby Elvis in the white jump suit. It'll be almost as scary as a ghoul. Thank you...thank you very much. :)

Sarami said...

I sympathize with your pronunciation woes. Embarrassed myself quite a few times in that manner.

Liz said...

Bakerloo, poltergeists totally seem to have the most fun, don't they?

Redcochina, that is absolutely the greatest costume idea I've ever heard. I love it!

Medusas, brides of Frankensteins and ghouls are pretty cool, too. :)

Sarami, solidarity on mispronunciations! :)

Chris said...

Humans vs. Zombies at my college started today. I'm scared out of my mind. No way am i turning zombie of my own free will. For Humanity!

Miss Grace said...

Werewolf I think. The twilight series did nothing to dispel that opinion.

TinyFrenchStudio said...

Can't really say I've ever dressed as a monster. I've been the typical kid candy (enormous chicken-wire M&M, and an infamous equally chicken-wired hershey kiss that didn't fit through my first grade classroom's door). Apart from that, it was mainly applicances. Microwave, television, oven complete with burners on top. My dad nearly cut off his foot helping me make that last one. Oh, and a camera. And a box of Mac 'n' Cheese. No one sews in my family, but we do like glue and cardboard.

And chicken wire.

If pressed to choose a "monster," I would go with a giant squid.

techtigger said...

Being the long-time Tolkein and D&D geek, I'd have to say dragon. You can still talk, you can fly, cast spells, breath fire, and if you like eastern mythology, go for that cool asian look. And just think of all the treasure! oooohhh, shiney... ;)