You know how sometimes important things are really funny? Like if you're a member of the United Nations, you probably giggle every time Ban Ki-Moon's name is mentioned because even though he's an important guy, it still sounds like he was named after a Vegas stripper. It's the same thing with the World Toilet Organization. My dear friend Ray, who I've always thought of as "the sophisticated one," lifted the lid on this organization for me the other day. It's undoubtedly a very, very important group because they're fighting for improved sanitation for people all over the world. The thing is, though, it's called the World Toilet Organization and their logo looks like this:
It's a space age toilet seat, for cryin' out loud. Really. I don't think they're trying too hard for dignity here. Also, there's a toilet entertainment section which turns out to be more than just old copies of Entertainment Weekly stacked against the plunger. They're real games...kinda. There are quizzes like What Kind of Toilet Paper Are You? I'm an "over-dispensing toilet paper, the kind that dangles over the roll and is usually folded into a little triangle, like at hotels. I'm generous and hospitable. People admire me for my emotional availability. And I don't mind if my friends need to unload on me every once in a while." Given the context of the quiz, I find that phrase "unload on me every once in a while" very unsettling and frankly, disturbing. There are games, too, like Toilet Quest, where you have to find toilet paper and a stall. If you lose, there's an unfortunate flood of urine. Or so I've heard. There's also the Urgent Game and, I'm not kidding you, the Catch a Shit game. Honestly, these guys gave up on respectability eons ago.
I urge you (no pun intended...well, maybe a little pun) to visit the site. If you really get into it, you can attend World Toilet College. (Diplomas supplied by Charmin.) In the meantime, let's all prepare for World Toilet Day on November 19, upon which day we will all be flush with pride.