Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Ten Reasons Why Being a Nerdy Woman Is Harder Than It Looks

10. People don't realize the Princess Leia metal bikini gets progressively more binding every Halloween we wear it.

9. All of the books we read means we'll likely be blind by the age of 40 and forced to listen to books on tape. Abridged books on tape. No one wants that.

8. Being socially awkward means we're ten times more likely than the average woman to spontaneously fall down in front of attractive men.

7. Carrying these enormous brains on top of our delicate, Audrey Hepburn-like necks gives us backaches, like, every day.

6. Because we're women, we have a genetic imperative to shop. Because we're nerdy women, we have a genetic imperative to fear the clothes we crave. It's a Catch-22 never envisioned by Joseph Heller. If he had, Yossarian would have worn more accessories.

5. We've watched every episode of Star Trek. We know futuristic space travel. Yet, for a lack of advanced degrees, we fear NASA will never give us a shot at driving the space shuttle. Or maybe the word is "pilot." Whatever.

4. When we're out on dates and our significant other misquotes the 17th digit of pi but we really, really want to get lucky, we have to ignore their egregious error and just cry a little inside.

3. NASCAR is a wound that will never heal.

2. English and/or Irish accents render us incapable of clear thinking, explaining our ill-advised crushes on Phil Collins, Wilkie Collins, Joan Collins and one or two other Collinses we'd rather not discuss.

1. We know that nerds are the future. It's just a bitch waiting for everyone else to catch up.


Anonymous said...

Tom Collins?

Liz said...

I waffled long and hard on whether Joan Collins or Tom Collins was funnier. Her years on Dynasty pushed Joan over the top, I'm sorry to say. :-)

Sonya said...

Nerdy women always have to put up with other women making fun of their crushes on Brent Spiner and Jonathan Frakes. It's Brent's nose, people! I find it attractive!

Erin said...

Number 9 terrifies me! I've pretty much decided my life is over when I'm blind by 40 and have to rely on books-on-tape.

narin said...

Never mind the Brent Spiner / Jon Frakes mockage from non nerds - as a woman with a long time crush on Wil Wheaton I get it in the neck from women *in* the sisterhood ;)

Liz said...

Hey Narin, not to worry about the Wil Wheaton love. You're one of us here -- Wil was our June nerd man of the month.

Athene said...

I'm just... poor from being a nerd.

Over $3000 on my latest computer... with more upgrades later. I do need SOMETHING to entertain me these days... it's just pricey.

Fredthefighter said...

As a nerdy bloke, reading this makes me happy for a few reasons:
1) I'm english and irish at the same time.
2) Nerdy women DO exist.
3) It isn't just me who is socially awkward.
4) I have never once found the Princess Leia bikini sexy. Don't know why, it just repulses me slightly (might just be Carrie Fisher though).
5) *High-fives all the nerd-girls out there* You. Are. All. Awesome.

Anonymous said...

thats riiiiiight ;)