Thursday, September 25, 2008

David Blaine disappoints

Crowds in New York were apparently disappointed yesterday when David Blaine didn't fatally plummet headfirst into Manhattan soil and then instantly resurrect himself and get taken away to the Mother Ship:

Here are some other tricks David could try to disappoint people:

TAME A FROTHING, VICIOUS, RABID LION!!...with understanding and hugs.

WALK ON WATER!! a very large bathtub with a little rubber safety mat under his feet and giant marshmallows surrounding him in case he falls.

GET SHOT INTO SPACE COMPLETELY NAKED!!...except for the NASA shuttle that's carrying him in a bubble of oxygen and love.

APPEAR TO MOVE WITHOUT WALKING!!!...while standing on one of those flat moving sidewalks at the airport, angering everyone who's late for a flight as they try to pass him and his bulky luggage.

CATCH A BULLET WITH HIS TEETH!!...and by bullet, we of course mean some sort of soft candy.

GET DRAWN AND QUARTERED!! having a caricaturist sketch him and then charge way too much...all in quarters!

FIND THE LOCH NESS MONSTER!!!...sadly, claims it's in his pants. Scottish children everywhere cry.

WRESTLE THE GHOST OF HARRY HOUDINI!!!...ghost of Harry Houdini texts to say he'd rather wrestle Blaine's grandmother and then adds "rowr, if you know what I mean," proving there are pervs even in the afterlife.

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