Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Not happy with the presidential candidates? May we suggest a few alternatives?

Tired of talking about McCain and Obama? Palin and Biden? Happily, there are some promising alternatives out there. Let's take a look at them, shall we?

EXPERIENCE: Made the Kessel Run in 12 parsecs. Saved the Rebel Alliance. Survived an ugly experience in a trash compactor. Bagged a princess.
PROS: Shoots first, doesn't ask any questions later. Looks good in vests. Hangs with smooth dudes like Lando Calrissian.
CONS: Never once killed an Ewok. Running mate Chewbacca will shed on EVERYTHING.

EXPERIENCE: Battlestar executive officer. Resistence fighter. Running mate "familiar" with presidential duties.
PROS: Hearty, pirate-esque grimace is great motivator. Big fan of Jimi Hendrix.
CONS: Cylon baby daddy. Also, Cylon. Also, cyclops.

EXPERIENCE: Battlestar admiral. Savior of humanity. Taught math to inner city youth.
PROS: Scowls like nobody's business. Can totally cheat off girlfriend on the president exam. Already has celebrity endorsements:

CONS: Crushes model ships....which is why we can't have nice things in outer space.

Cthulhu '08

EXPERIENCE: Has his own cult. Ruled the world in ages past.
PROS: Tentacles enable extraordinary multi-tasking. Evil.
CONS: Name guarantees he'll turn around every time someone sneezes. Also, evil.

General Zod

EXPERIENCE: Kryptonian political prisoner. Took over world 15 minutes after getting here. Made Superman look like the little girl the other little girls make fun of.
PROS: Self-confident. Can fly. Can levitate buses. Fits into very small places.
CONS: Wee bit of a cross-dressing issue.

Macgyver 2008

EXPERIENCE: Has gotten out of more than 10 million scrapes. Leather jacket has lived through five presidential administrations. Knows what the hell a Stargate is.
PROS: Will create effective cabinet using string, bubble gum and the condemned soul of Robert McNamara.
CONS: Mullet once killed a guy.

Stephen Colbert (suspended race)

EXPERIENCE: Portrait hung over prominent National Portrait Gallery water fountain.
PROS: Two very impressive thumbs. Can summon bald eagle with his mind. Only candidate with DNA in outer space. Wrists are very strong.
CONS: His flawless face on Mount Rushmore will make existing dead presidents feel insecure.

So which of these candidates would have your vote?


Kathe said...

Oh these are just FAB! Han Solo and Chewie 08 is now my desktop background. :) But seriously, I think Tigh/Roslin would win in a close race!

Anonymous said...

You're asking me to choose between Han and MacGuyver? Ouch.

I think I'm siding more toward Mr. Mac, since he could fix the Iraq War snafu and the economy with a piece of bubble gum and a shoelace.

Mad said...

DEfinitely Tigh/Roslin.
Or Adama/Roslin!

Christopher Ambler said...

As chair of the Tigh/Roslin committee, I'd like to thank you for your feature.

With all of the uncertainty in the upcoming election, we think candidates who are willing to simply airlock the problems are the clear choice.

Florinda said...

Stephen Colbert should be BEGGED to revive his campaign! (I think he'd like being begged.)

Riana said...

I would think Macguyver would shy away from the spotlight of a presidential campaign.

I think Colbert would really work for it.

Jen said...

The Reynolds / Washburn '08 ticket has my support...


Amy said...

I would like to submit for the approval of the midnight society the running of Mac/PC for presidency. It would be a campaign of unity! What an inspiring message.

agent57 said...

I would agree with the Mac/PC vote, but it would probably start a nerd civil war to try to decide which is running for Prez and which is the VP... unless they could work out a co-Presidency situation. Even then you're risking a riot.

Han Solo is President! ...of my heart.

Anonymous said...

Don't you folks watch Dr. Who? The Master won an election for Prime Minister of the UK, so I'm sure he'd find taking over the US an easy task. Lucy could be his veep! Vote Saxon/ Lucy '08! (Hell, I'd vote for John Simm any day of the week...)

encyclops said...

That would be ROSLIN/TIGH, I think. ;)

Chris said...

Cthulhu! Cthulhu!