Thursday, February 14, 2008

The perfect Valentine's Day gift

It’s difficult figuring out the perfect gift for your loved one on Valentine’s Day. Imagine how hard it is for fictional characters – they hardly ever get to the store! In fact, let’s imagine a little harder and guess what some fictional couples would (and should) get each other for the big day.

Battlestar Galactica
Six gets Baltar a handful of tranquilizers and a Jesus complex. He gets her a sweater and a sandwich. She doesn’t know what to do with either one.

Roslyn gets Adama a can of Nair should he ever grow the porn ‘stash again. He gets her a heart-shaped airlock and a prisoner. Awww…

Cupid helps Jack understand the difference between an inside voice and an outside voice. Jack shouts “Why? Am I too loud?” and then gives Cupid a man-purse which Cupid “accidentally” loses six months later. “Dudes don’t carry purses,” explained the diaper-clad cherubim.

The Simpsons
Marge gets Homer a donut. For Marge, Homer gets himself two donuts and a snuggle from Harry Plopper.

Jack gives Kate his heart. Kate gives Jack a clue. “Thanks,” he says, “I’ve always wanted one of these!”

The X-Files
Scully gives Mulder a lifetime subscription to Cinemax. Mulder lets her be right about something...but only once.

Star Wars
For Leia, Han erases all memories of the Star Wars Christmas special. Leia gets Han a hyperdrive that never breaks down...if you know what I mean. Sadly, they have to go to the emergency room when Han’s trip into hyperspace lasts longer than four hours.

Superman makes the Earth rotate backwards to save Lois’ life, forgetting that he totally gets her that EVERY year. Lois gets mad and refuses to give Superman the new high-collared, bedazzled cape that makes him look like Elvis.

Star Trek
Captain Kirk gives himself a mirror. He is never sad again. Unable to tear himself away from the sight, he does, however, starve to death.

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone!


qtilla said...

Sheer brilliance. Especially the sweater and a sandwich bit.

Sarah said...

"high-collared, bedazzled cape that makes him look like Elvis."
hehehehe that one made me laugh out loud!

I live in Montreal, and only recently discovered your website. I loves it :-)

Sara said...

You are a veddy witty lady.

jenn said...

Hey, I resent that!

Scully's right sometimes!! Really, I swear it!!! ;)

Liz said...

Jenn, I think Scully's right a lot of the time. It just always rattles my cage that Mulder never admits it. (Okay, and that the writers never, ever let her be right...or at least very rarely.)