While all the run-of-the-mill survivalists out there are stockpiling soup cans and ammo, shouldn’t we nerdy types be preparing our own provisions? Aside from the food and water essentials, here are a few items I’d suggest putting aside in case the aliens land or the sun starts bleeding unicorns anytime soon:
Dice – Perfect for a quick game of D&D or a cavalier method of deciding who lives and who dies.
Shaun of the Dead DVD – Likely to be more of a “how to” than a “zombie rom-com” at this point.
Your inflatable David Boreanaz doll – Now I’m not saying you have one of these but if you did, it might make sense to pack it in case, you know, it floods or something and you have to ride it to safety. NO JUDGING!
A copy of Strunk and White – Being survivors of an apocalypse doesn’t mean we care less about adverb use. We are not animals…unless you’ve been bitten by a werewolf in which case, sorry.
Martin Sheen – Rebuilding society is TOTALLY our opportunity to put Bartlet in charge. Plus the dude survived “Apocalypse Now.” Prepared? I think so.
Lightsaber -- Some dinky flashlight from Costco or a giant beam of Jedi-fueled brilliance that makes cool noises in the dark? Exactly.
“Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog” soundtrack – I always picture the end of the world as a prolonged camping trip but with fewer marshmallows and more existential despair. And what would perk up the worst camping trip of all? Holding hands around the dying embers of civilization and belting out a rousing chorus of “Bad Horse.”
The cast of Bravo's "NYC Prep" – Nine times out of ten with these apocalypses, there’s gonna be human sacrifice. I’m just sayin’…
Lassie – We know she’s a hero when Timmy gets trapped in a well. How will she perform when Timmy gets trapped in the 9th circle of Hell? My prediction? Woof-tastically.
Your Comic-Con ticket – When the banking system goes offline, all we’ll have left is barter. I know it’ll be hard to part with – do I buy a bag of life-sustaining rice or go see what’s left of the “Torchwood” panel? Sometimes the apocalypse is about tough choices.
The cast of “Mythbusters” – When the zombie hordes come running at you and you have to blow up that propane tank to stop them, do you want some guy who lights sparklers once a year rigging your explosives or do you want the experts? You’re gonna want the experts. Plus, they always tell good jokes before the shrapnel flies!
T-shirt with sarcastic saying – EVERYONE’S going to be a sarcastic bastard when the world ends. Save yourself the effort of wordy quips – you’ll need to preserve your energy for escaping those packs of wild dogs -- and just put your nihilistic world view on a t-shirt. Cute and functional!
A spatula – Would you really want to stumble upon a box of Bisquick and not be prepared?
Anything I've missed? Please add it in the comments.