Sometimes I feel downright un-American. Sure, I pay my taxes and I vote. I celebrate the fourth of July and I support our troops. I rarely pretend I’m Canadian when I’m overseas. But the thing is, I don’t like "American Idol." I never have and I doubt I ever will. And given that the entire country seems to watch and love this show, my lack of affection for it is making me feel, well, like a non-citizen, a reality TV “commie,” if you will.
I’ve tried to watch this show many, many times. I enjoy looking at Simon Cowell’s pecs but that’s about it. It’s not that I don’t like competition shows either. I sat on the couch and watched “Dancing with the Stars” the other night. And I got completely sucked into that “Next Great American Band” show. (Woo, Clark Brothers!) But "American Idol?" It leaves me colder than an overturned Ben and Jerry’s truck stuck in a Nor’Dakotan snowbank.
I used to get a mild kick out of watching all the nutjobs and no-talents in the first few episodes, but the shine quickly wore off that penny as the whole “look at all these crazies” thing became so obviously staged.
I have even less interest in the good singers. Is it the songs they cover...or rather, the things they do to the songs they cover? I flipped by the other night and grew a little slack-jawed over what was happening to the entire Beatles catalog. Some of the singers did a nice job, but even that wasn’t enough to keep my attention so I went back to watching Tim Gunn dress the newly svelte people on “The Biggest Loser.”
I’ve narrowed down my non-Idol love to three possible causes. One, I don’t enjoy just plain, old singing. This is entirely possible since even the National Anthem makes me antsy and I want to change the channel...even when I’m standing there at the actual game. Two, I’m missing the “American Idol” chromosome and therefore am genetically unable to derive pleasure from it. I probably should be given some sort of government dispensation for this, but that seems unlikely. Or three, it’s all Ryan Seacrest’s fault.
I’m betting it’s Number Three. He looks shifty.
So tell me, do you like “American Idol?”